


Trying to Survive

by sleepyqueerboi



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Virgil, Trans Male Virgil Sanders, Trans!Virgil, and surgery mentions, anxiety / panic attacks, hormone taking, so syringes / injections, toxic parent in future chapters, transphobia mentions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-06-10 00:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 23,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15279312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepyqueerboi/pseuds/sleepyqueerboi
Summary: Virgil just wants to live as himself. There are bumps in the road, but hey, life isn't easy.





	1. Waking Up

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to post my trans!Virgil fic that I've been posting on Tumblr to here as well! Hope you enjoy!

“Mommy, can I be whatever I want when I grow up?”

“Of course, sweetie.”

“Then can I be a boy?

“What? Nerezza, that’s crazy, you’re a girl.”

“But I wanna be a boy when I grow up, mommy.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Virgil awoke with a start, panting heavily as the sound of a car screeching was replaced with the ringing of his phone. His dark purple bangs clung to his forehead from sweat, and his entire body was shaking from his shallow breathing. Slowly, he sat up, allowing the thin bed sheets to fall from his body as he took a few, stabilising breaths. Then, reluctantly, he grabbed his phone and answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey there buddy!” Virgil heard the ever over-enthusiastic voice of his father on the other end, and Virgil had to suppress a groan as he dropped back down, letting his head crash into his almost completely flat pillow.

“Hey dad,” Virgil huffed, peering at the clock on his nightstand, which read 7:05 am. 

“You all set for your big interview today?”

“Dad it’s just a job interview,” Virgil sighed, although, in reality, he was extremely nervous for the interview. Nervous that he would be immediately rejected, just like last time, and the time before that, simply because of one small difference he had to other people that made so many people-

“Virgil?” His dad’s voice pulled Virgil out of the anxiety-laden spiral that his mind had begun to get sucked into. “You okay there, bud?” Virgil hadn’t even noticed his breathing getting heavier until now. He cleared his throat.

“Yeah, dad, I’m fine. I’ll… call you after the interview.”

“Alright son, you know I’m rooting for you! I love you.”

“Love you too, dad…” Virgil hung up, letting his phone fall onto the bed. Today was going to be difficult.

 

With a heart weighed down by anxiety, Virgil stood up and made his way to the small closet in the corner of his bedroom, hastily grabbing a purple v-neck t-shirt and ripped skinny jeans along with a binder from the small set of drawers hidden under the piles of clothing, before quickly changing out of his oversized Winnie the Pooh sleep-shirt and into his clothes for the day.

 

Breakfast was light, as always. Just a couple of slices of toast, dry, and a large cup of coffee to hopefully keep him awake throughout the interview. And then, Virgil pulled on his purple converse, grabbed his signature black hoodie with purple checkered patches stitched on here and there, and left, making sure to lock the door to his apartment and pocket the key.

 

The interview was for a position in the library at the end of the street, and from the description, it would mainly be reordering the books after closing hours, the perfect time for Virgil as he would be alone, away from the throngs of people. However, he had to brave the early morning crowds and get through the interview successfully first.


	2. The Interview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an extra note I'll be uploading quite a few chapters within the next week or so to catch up to where I am in this fic on Tumblr, so regular authors notes probably won't happen until like Part 15! But I still love all of you!

Virgil slowly opened the library door, thanking the stars that the door wasn’t creaky in any way, as the large hall was almost silent, save for someone typing on a keyboard and a few rustling papers, either from books or work, as many teens used the library as a safe zone to finish school projects and assignments. After taking a few deep breaths, Virgil walked up to the circular desk that was in the middle of the room, where there was a man sat typing away. He looked to be in his mid-20s, only a couple years older than Virgil at most, with fluffy, light brown hair and hazel eyes framed by thick-rimmed glasses. From what Virgil could see, he was wearing a light blue polo shirt with some sort of grey hoodie wrapped around his shoulders almost like a cape. It kind of made him look like a stereotypical dad. Virgil cleared his throat once he reached the desk, causing the man to start and look up before his mouth broke into a very wide, toothy smile.

“Well hey there! You must be Virgil, right?” The man stood up and immediately took one of Virgil’s hands, shaking it with both of his own enthusiastically. Upon standing, Virgil saw that this guy was only a couple of inches taller than him, which did slightly pump up his deflated ego, even if he was feeling rather uncomfortable at being greeted so affectionately, especially in a library. “My name’s Patton, I work in the Children’s section and organise events for schools!” Patton lifted up the bar flap next to him, allowing Virgil to walk behind the desk before the former got Virgil to sit down in the seat next to his own. “I’m also in charge of interviewing new people, so let’s get down to it, shall we?” Virgil nodded, suppressing a gulp as his nerves resumed to flare up in his stomach.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It had been a few minutes. Patton had checked through all of Virgil’s paperwork and seemed satisfied that he wouldn’t be a bad person to work with, and Virgil could feel his anxiety’s grip loosen on his heart. This wasn’t going so bad.

“So, Virgil, one last thing,” Patton said as he put down the paperwork he was holding. Virgil tensed up at hearing this, feeling his heart begin to race a million miles a minute as he tried to think of what else Patton had to say. He’s going to call you out he knows he knows he’s going to reject you now crap crap crap- “Are you alright with working night shifts? Most of what you’ll be doing will be after the library’s opening hours, and you’ll be alone here for the most part. Is that okay?”

“Y-yeah,” Virgil nearly croaked, feeling a wave of relief wash over him. Patton beamed then, clapping his hands together.

“Right, well then you’re hired!”

“R-really, just like that?” Virgil’s silvery-blue eyes widened in shock.

“Well, yeah, kiddo! You’re the best applicant we’ve had! And besides I need to know where you got that hoodie, it’s incredible!” Virgil could feel a blush creep onto his cheeks at that comment, and he looked down, desperate to hide it.

“I, uh…I made it…”

“What!? That’s so cool you have to show me sometime!” Patton was even more excited than before, so excited that he was almost vibrating in his seat. However, he seemed to have a sudden realisation, as he calmed down a bit. “Sorry, sorry, I get really excited sometimes. I should let you go home and get some rest.” Patton stood up, opening the bar flap again and walking out of the desk area, Virgil following quickly, still embarrassed by the whole ordeal. “You’ll start tomorrow night if that’s alright with you. Just come by around 8 pm, that’s when I’ll be starting to close up, okay?” Virgil nodded, and Patton walked with him to the door, chatting away about how great the library was as they went.


	3. First Day On The Job.

Monday. The date was glaring at Virgil from the small calendar he had hanging in his kitchen, and Virgil was happily glaring back as he sipped on one last coffee before heading out for his first day on the job. It was 7:50 pm. He figured that he wanted to show up early for his first day, as much as it killed him inside to not just crawl out of bed and go straight to the library. He needed this job, he couldn’t keep dipping into his savings, they were reserved for future issues. So, after making sure he was dressed and he had enough money on him to buy some sort of meal, he grabbed the small box that usually sat on his bathroom counter, and left for his first shift.

 

When Virgil got to the library, it was even quieter than the day before, due to there literally being about 2 people on the premises this time, but it was a peaceful silence. That was until Patton saw him.

“Hey Virgil!! Good to see you!” The hazel-eyed man had stood up and was waving at Virgil with both arms excitedly. Virgil had to swallow a small laugh as he saw that Patton was properly wearing the hoodie that had been around his neck, and there was a pair of cat-like “ears” on the hood, making him almost look like an overgrown child. Virgil made his way over to the desk, beginning to lay his stuff out on the countertop.

“Nice hoodie…” he mumbled, hoping he wouldn’t come off as being sarcastic.

“You really think so?? Well, thanks Kiddo! We’re like hoodie buddies now!” Patton giggled, before beginning to tell Virgil his duties for the day. “So, you can start off by organising the fiction section tonight, they’re all organised alphabetically by the author’s last name.” He gestured to a nearby chunk of tall bookcases. “The stepladders we use are dotted all over the place, you’ll probably need one since you’re a shortie like me! But hey don’t worry if you don’t get it all done tonight, it is your first day and we haven’t had anyone go through and seriously organise everything so it’ll be a bit messy for your first few days!” Patton beamed. It was amazing how he could have so much energy so late in the evening. “Right so you can go get started and I’ll get ready to head on home!” Virgil nodded, and Patton walked off to, presumably, some sort of employee area to collect his things.

 

Virgil made his way over to the fiction section, trying to assess how long he would be stuck here working on this one part of the library when he saw something and froze. There was a man sat in the corner, reading. Yet it was 8:02 pm, the library was officially closed for the day. Virgil could feel his anxiety crawl over his skin as he took in this stranger’s black shirt and matching formal trousers, along with the blue striped tie around his neck. He adjusted his glasses, before looking up, but Virgil ran without seeing the curious blue eyes dart around, as the owner had felt he was being watched.

 

No, Virgil almost sprinted to the other side of the library, slamming open the door to the staff room to see a very bewildered Patton, who was just about to open the door himself.

“Pat… ton…” Virgil had to choke out of himself, his hand clutching his heart as he tried to regulate his breathing. Running was never easy for him.

“What’s the matter, Kiddo? Did something happen?” Patton immediately asked, rubbing Virgil’s back soothingly.

“Th-there’s… someone… fiction section…” That was all Patton needed to hear before he marched over to the mysterious stranger, Virgil following behind him but staying out of sight.

“Excuse me Kiddo bu-“ Patton cut himself off with a gasp. “Logan! I had no idea you were here! You should’ve said hi, you silly goose!”

“You were working when I arrived, and I did not wish to disturb your work.” The stranger’s tone was very formal and to the point, almost as if he was a robot.

“Well, unfortunately, the library is closed, Kiddo, so you have to go now! But hey we can walk home together!” Virgil heard footsteps, so he quickly ducked behind a different bookcase, watching the two spectacled men talking. “Huh, where’d Virgil go?”

“Vir… gil? Like the Roman poet?”

“He’s our new book organiser! He’s really quiet but he seems really cool, he even made his own jacket! You’ll have to come in to see him sometime when the library is open!” And with that, both men had walked out of the library.

 

Virgil let out a long, deep breath now that he was alone. He wasn’t very good with strangers, especially not those who spoke and acted the way that that ‘Logan’ guy did. Luckily, Patton was still here at the time. Virgil shuddered to think what would’ve happened if he hadn’t been. After allowing himself a few more calming breaths, Virgil allowed himself to finally begin his first day on the job.


	4. Coffee Shop

“You’re not letting your job get in the way of you taking your hormones, right, Virg?”

“Of course not, dad.”

“And you’re still eating right despite being on a night shift?”

“Yes, dad!” Virgil groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose as the crisp, autumn air swirled around him, and he tried to burrow deeper into his purple and black hoodie. He had been working at the library for a few weeks now, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday evening from 8 pm to 4 am each night.

“Good, good. Don’t want you overworking yourself now.”

“I know, dad,” Virgil sighed, before seeing a flash of blue in his peripheral vision. “Okay dad, I have to go, talk later love you bye.” Virgil rushed the ending of the call before hanging up and shoving his phone into his pocket. A few days ago, Patton had begged Virgil to go get coffee with him on Saturday morning, and while Virgil was currently dead from having gotten about 2 hours of sleep after his shift, he somehow couldn’t bring himself to say no to those big, hazel eyes. So, here he was, half-asleep and shivering outside the coffee shop that was around the corner from the library, as Patton approached him.

“Hey Virgil!!” Patton greeted, as loud and bubbly as ever despite it being around 10:30 in the morning. He was wearing a long-sleeved, blue cardigan with a simple grey shirt underneath. “You okay? You don’t look so good.”

“Just…tired,” Virgil sighed, rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to ward off the sleepiness.

“Well, that’s no good! Let’s get you some coffee, okay? Come on!” Patton then grabbed Virgil’s sleeve and dragged him into the coffee shop, allowing Virgil to be hit with warmth along with the smell of coffee beans. “What do you want? I’ll get it for you, my treat!”

“Are you sure? I can pay…”

“Nonsense!” Patton beamed, although he was playing with the sleeves of his cardigan slightly. “Besides, I was the one who asked you to come out the day after a long night shift, so it’s on me. Honest!”

“O-okay, I’ll have a frappuccino. Chocolate, i-if you can.”

“Sure thing, Kiddo!” Patton gave a reassuring smile before walking over to the counter to order.

 

Now that he was alone again, Virgil took a moment to truly take in his surroundings. The coffee shop wasn’t too large, and there were a few people sitting at the various square, mahogany tables, but not enough to really set Virgil on edge, and for that he was thankful. There were a few random artsy pictures on the walls, and for some reason, Virgil found them to be soothing, along with the pale orange coloured walls. However, after a few seconds, he felt the hairs on the back of his neck prick up as somebody opened the door behind him. He almost jumped away from the door, turning to look at who was there and was met by a young mother and her daughter, who looked to be about 5. After letting out the breath he had been holding, Virgil went to one of the free tables near the back of the shop, sitting snugly in the corner, allowing him to survey the rest of the room more carefully.

 

However, Virgil was only able to look around for a few seconds before Patton was sat right in front of him, holding a tray with two drinks on it, smiling widely as always.

“One chocolate frappuccino!” Patton slid the cold drink across the table to Virgil. “Although are you sure you want something cold? It’s pretty chilly today, Kiddo.”

“I like cold coffee…” Virgil muttered, before trying to hide as he took a sip of his drink, waiting for Patton to judge him.

“Well that’s alright! I’m more of a hot chocolate guy myself!” Patton beamed, and Virgil couldn’t help but give a small smile in return. Patton had been nothing but nice to Virgil from the moment they met, and now that his guard wasn’t up all the time around Patton, Virgil found himself genuinely enjoying the older man’s company.

 

So much so that he didn’t even notice the man who had just entered the coffee shop, and was looking at him from wide, blue eyes, behind thin glasses, or the way that this man’s mouth quirked into a smile as Virgil laughed ever so slightly at one of Patton’s jokes.


	5. Shock

It was another Monday. Virgil sighed to himself as he sat in the staff room of the library, having just administered another shot of testosterone. Every Monday and Thursday, every week, no matter what, just as he had been doing for nearly 3 and a half years now. It still didn’t stop Virgil’s incessant hatred and fear of needles. With another sigh, Virgil bagged up the syringe to throw away when he got home, and placed the small vial carefully back into the wooden box he kept it in, before slipping the box into his bag and heading out to the main part of the library.

 

It was 9:03pm, and Virgil was alone. It was nice, being away from the hustle and bustle of the city, even if the dead silence did set him on edge. However, Virgil had only the manga section to fully organise, and that was the most complicated section, as the thin books were sectioned into genres, then publishers, and finally authors, which caused Virgil unlimited amounts of stress. Luckily, Virgil had remembered to bring his laptop, so he hooked it up to a small speaker before playing one of the many Animal Crossing music compilations he had saved. They calmed him down, a lot.

 

Virgil’s mind began to wander as he set about organising the books. So far, the job hadn’t been too physically demanding, and after this section, Virgil’s task would become a lot easier, as most books would now be in order. This meant he would probably have a lot of free time, in the middle of the night, alone. The thought made a shiver run up his spine, but Virgil quickly focused in on the gentle, upbeat music playing, almost echoing through the library, calming himself before he started having a full blown panic attack.

 

The music changed, and the soft pluck of guitar strings filled Virgil’s ears. It was one of his own songs, the only one he ever got professionally recorded, back when he was still in school. He really wanted to pursue music as a career, but he was too self-conscious of his voice, even now, despite it being considerably deeper. However, as Virgil was alone, he sang along to his 17-year-old self’s much higher pitched voice, allowing himself to belt out the - admittedly rather emo - lyrics without a care in the world.

 

At least, until Virgil heard a voice that he never imagined could make his blood run cold, yet it did as it spoke, soft and happy as ever.

“Is that you, Virgil?”


	6. A Confession

/Fuck, shit, fuck fuck fuck he knows he’s gonna stop trying to be your friend you fucking idiot you’re going to get fired/-

“Virgil?” Patton frowned, before trying to place a hand on the trembling man’s shoulder, but Virgil quickly flinched away, turning to face Patton, his head down.

“I’m sorry!” This was Virgil’s first instinct, to apologise. In the past, whenever an employer found out he was trans, he had been kicked out after being forced to apologise for ‘deceiving’ his coworkers or something else of the sort. And now, his muscles were tensing up, as he braced for one of the few people he had actually begun to like to also throw him out.

“Why are you apologising, Kiddo? I just heard you singing, you’re allowed to sing y’know!” Why is he acting like the singing is the issue? Virgil slowly shrank back, trying to curl in on himself. The words he desperately wanted to scream were bubbling up in his throat, but he was too afraid to confront them. “Is it because of that girl you were singing along to? Who is she?” That sent an ice-cold spear straight through Virgil’s heart, and somehow the dam broke, tears flooding down his face as he finally found his voice.

“It’s me! Of course, it’s me! Me before I started hormones, me when I had to grow out my hair because people were beating me up all the time, me when all I wanted to do was stop existing, okay!? I know I’m disgusting you don’t have to patronise me by pretending I’m not…” Virgil had fallen to his knees now, hugging himself as he shook violently, his nails digging into the flesh of his arms like daggers. He felt physically and emotionally drained, his voice now coming out in choked sobs. It had been so long since he had broken down like this. “I get it, I’m garbage, I’m just an ugly transgender…you can punch me or kick me out now or whatever…” However, Patton did neither of those things. He just knelt down in front of Virgil, tears brimming in those large, hazel eyes.

“Virgil, I had no idea you were trans…” he began, and Virgil felt his breath hitch in his throat. You FUCKING idiot, he didn’t know, you just blew it for yourself- “Do you really think that lowly of yourself?” Patton’s voice was shaking as he gently pulled Virgil to his chest. “I’m not going to fire you just because you weren’t born a biological boy, Virgil. I don’t think you’re disgusting, either. You’re a great person, regardless of who you were born as.” With that statement, Virgil felt the iron clamp on his heart release, and his sobs became loud, almost desperate as he clung to Patton, crying out all of the negative emotions that had stuck to his very soul for his entire life.

 

Patton simply let Virgil cry, gently rubbing the latter’s back. “We’re friends, Virgil, and nothing’s gonna change that, okay? I’m here for you.”


	7. Fanciful Advice

Roman Prince, king of the local theatre company, all around Drama Queen and self-proclaimed Love Couch™, was currently trying to knock some sense, as he called it, into his oldest friend, Logan Picani. His dearest pal had found himself feeling interesting feelings for a stranger, and as he wasn’t used to feeling, well, feelings, he came to Roman for help.

 

They had been talking for nearly an hour now, almost as soon as Roman had reached Logan’s apartment. However, as Logan was terrible with describing how he felt, Roman was close to snapping.

“So how do you know him, Lo!?”

“I told you I can’t remember, Roman,” Logan sighed, taking off his glasses to rub at his eyes. “He’s familiar to me, that’s all I can say. And not just because he’s now working alongside Patton.”

“Why do you always leave stuff out, Lo!? If he’s working with Patton, let’s just go talk to the puffball and ask about this mysterious crush of yours!”

“NO!” Logan screeched, causing Roman to jump back in fright before he brushed down the white leather jacket he was wearing and cleared his throat.

“I can’t do my job, Logan, if you don’t let me help you.”

“Roman, I do not want any sort of help that you are thinking of. I just came to you to understand why on earth I feel like there is something flying in my stomach, which is completely illogical, whenever I see this man.” Without missing a beat, Roman slammed his hands down on the table, his emerald green eyes boring into Logan’s ocean blue ones.

“You, my friend, have a crush. You like him, maybe want to date him.”

“But that’s preposterous I don’t even know him.”

“Stop using words I don’t know against me!” Roman drew himself up to his full height. “You are in love, Logan! Don’t fight it! Your heart knows what it wants, and it wants this man!” Logan just burrowed his face into his hands, letting out a huge sigh.

“Remind me why on earth I’m friends with you.” Roman’s voice caught in his throat, letting out the strangest noises in his offended state. Just then, Logan’s phone vibrated in its position on the dining room table, and he picked it up, checking the text message he had just received.

“Who dares interrupt one of my most emotionally distraught moments!?”

“It’s Patton, and you are not emotionally distraught,” Logan sighed again, momentarily pinching the bridge of his nose before continuing to read Patton’s text message. “He’s not available today, and it’s not related to the library. Something came up last night. Huh.”

“But he’s never missed a chance to work on a school day,” Roman mused, placing his hand over his chin. “Might this have something to do with a certain someone’s crush?” Logan slapped Roman’s elbow away from him, staying quiet.

Maybe… Logan thought, not letting the worry show on his face as he pondered the situation. Maybe…


	8. A Day of Rest

Virgil awoke to the smell of pancakes, caramel, whipped cream, and milk chocolate. There was a bright light coming from somewhere, and even with his eyes still closed, the light was stinging, causing him to groan softly. When he shifted slightly, he felt the heavy blanket that was wrapped around his curled up form, and this was when Virgil opened his eyes, disoriented.

 

The room he was in was larger than Virgil’s entire apartment and then some. The walls were painted a pale shade of light blue and were adorned by multiple photos and paintings, all giving a warm, familial feeling to the room. Virgil sat up straight and stretched his legs, feeling more than hearing the unforgiving cracks in his bones from sleeping in a ball for an extended period of time. The light was coming from the two birch wood doors that were wide open, leading to a small balcony and allowing the afternoon sunshine to beam through to the entire apartment. For a moment, Virgil felt calm.

 

Suddenly, there was a loud clatter of pots and pans before Patton appeared, looking dishevelled in a cat onesie, and holding two plates stacked high with pancakes smothered in chocolate and caramel sauce, and topped with copious amounts of whipped cream.

“Hey, you’re awake! Want some breakfast, Kiddo?” Virgil glanced at the small digital clock on the coffee table before replying.

“It’s 2 in the afternoon, Patton. We’re a little late for breakfast.”

“Nonsense! Now come on, eat up!” Patton almost shoved one of the plates into Virgil’s lap, allowing him to stay slouched under the blanket, which Virgil was grateful for as he wasn’t wearing his binder.

 

The last 17 hours had been strange. Once Virgil had calmed down last night, Patton had slowly gotten him up, helped him gather his things, and brought him back to the older man’s apartment. Patton had then proceeded to order pizza and make multiple mugs of hot chocolate as they stayed up till around 5 in the morning, just talking, and they had only stopped because Virgil was so tired that his words were slurring. Virgil could also partially remember Patton nearly wrestling him to the ground to get him to unbind at around 3 am, worried that he would fall asleep in it and injure himself. Virgil could feel a small smile creep onto his face as he began to eat his breakfast. Patton was so concerned with his wellbeing and was so accepting. He knew more than even Virgil about the concepts of gender, as had been revealed last night, and Virgil couldn’t help but feel safe in Patton’s apartment. Somebody existed, outside of his family, who wasn’t repulsed by him. This was a very welcome and comforting thought for Virgil’s self-deprecative mind.

“Virgil? Are my pancakes really good enough for you to smile like that?” Patton’s voice brought Virgil out of his thoughts, and he shook his head lightly, before taking another bite.

“Thanks, Pat. For everything.”

“Well, of course, Kiddo! I wasn’t gonna leave you there!”

“Seriously, thank you. For letting me rant, and…for trusting me with your feelings…” Patton fell silent for a moment, before he practically launched himself at Virgil, smothering him in a hug. “P-Patton! I’m not b-bind-”

“I know…” Patton’s voice was shaking slightly. “Can I just…hug you for a bit?” Virgil sighed, before slipping his arms around Patton’s middle.

“Sure, Pat. Whatever you need. Just let me bind in a few minutes, okay?” Patton let out a small laugh in agreement, and Virgil couldn’t help but smile. It felt nice, having a friend.


	9. Suspicions

“Hey, Lo! What’re you doing here?” Virgil froze as he heard Patton’s voice carry from a few feet away from the staff room in the library. It was Friday, and Virgil had shown up to the library a few hours early, as Patton wanted to have dinner with him. Virgil was certain that it was just that Patton wanted to see Virgil eating, but he was okay with it. However, Virgil hadn’t expected this Logan person to show up.

“Salutations, Patton. I just came to see how you were doing, you had both me and Roman worried for your health.”

“Oh, I’m fine! I just had to take a day off, no reason!” Virgil could hear the slight strain in Patton’s voice, and he gulped, peeking his head through the door to watch the scene unfold.

 

Patton was standing and holding a stack of about five books, and he had a clearly nervous expression on his face. He was looking up at Logan, and Virgil had just now noticed how tall he was. He was wearing a similar black shirt to the first day Virgil had seen him, only with a matching black tie this time. In fact, he was dressed entirely in black, and if he didn’t look so professional, Virgil would’ve thought he looked emo with the lack of colour in his outfit.

“Yet you’ve never taken a day off work before. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yep! Juuuust fine! You know me, I always bounce back quickly!” Logan raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with the new employee, does it?” The time in Logan’s voice was accusatory as if Virgil would make Patton skip work to do something bad. Patton seemed to struggle thinking of what to say, as he wasn’t going to say that Virgil broke down, and Virgil decided to step in, slipping his hoodie on before making his way over to the pair, pretending as if he hadn’t just heard the conversation, or had really even seen Logan.

“Hey, Pat, you ready to go?” Virgil kept his eyes glued to Patton’s jawline, his head staying as low down as possible. Patton nearly jumped at Virgil’s sudden appearance, but he quickly composed himself.

“Right, yep!” He placed the books he was holding onto a nearby shelf, before turning to Logan. “Sorry, Lo, Virgil and I are going to grab some dinner together. We can finish catching up once Virg starts his shift, okay?” There was silence for a few seconds, and Virgil didn’t dare look at Logan. “Oh, silly me! You guys haven’t met yet! Virg, this is Logan, he’s one of my oldest friends! And Lo, this is Virgil, the newest employee and my newest friend!” Virgil sent a small nod in Logan’s general direction before Patton looped their arms. “Right, well we better go! We’ve got some pizza with our name on it!” And with that, Patton nearly dragged Virgil out of the library.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“So…” Patton began. They were currently sat in a Pizza Hut, with an enormous cheese pizza sat between them, a few slices already went and eaten.

“Hmm?” Virgil hummed in reply, having just taken a bite of pizza.

“What do you think of Logan?” The question was odd, but Virgil shrugged it off, as he swallowed before answering.

“I dunno, I just met the guy. Why?” He tried to not sound too suspicious as he asked, although Patton seemed to almost squeal at his answer. Okay, now he was suspicious. He put down his slice of pizza as Patton kept talking.

“Okay, another question: are you seeing anyone right now? Like, romantically?” Virgil choked on his Fanta at that, shocked by this question that came out of literally nowhere.

“O-of course not! Why the hell would you ask that?” There was no real malice behind his words, despite nearly yelling from the shock. Patton’s face merely broke into a massive grin.

“No reason!” He had basically just sung that sentence, and Virgil felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Something was going on, something that Patton knew about, and Virgil was going to find out what.


	10. Midnight Meetup

It was Sunday. 1:27 am. And Virgil was wide awake, as always. Sunday was laundry day, and Virgil preferred to do his laundry when nobody else was awake so that he could walk around without binding.

 

He was currently heading down to the laundry room in his building, a pile of black and purple clothes in his arms. He was wearing a simple, loose purple tank top and a pair of baggy grey sweatpants, basically the epitome of comfy. The building was nice and warm, a straight juxtaposition from the bitter autumn night outside, and Virgil was calm.

“Virgil?” He froze, every hair on his body standing on end. He knew that voice, and it was sending every anxious cell in his body into overdrive. 'I’m not wearing my binder why am I so stupid fuck fuck fuck-' “That is you, isn’t it, Virgil?” He let out a shaky breath, before slowly turning around, hugging the clothes to his chest as if his life depended on it. Sure enough, standing just in front of one of the apartment doors, was Logan, who was wearing a too-large black v-neck, and sweatpants that almost matched Virgil’s in colour. Virgil cleared his throat slightly, trying to hide his nerves as he spoke.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Logan, right?” 'You idiot, of course, you know his name he’s going to think you’re such a dumb-'

“You remembered. It’s nice to finally meet you, although I didn’t know you also lived in this building.”

“Yeah…” Virgil mumbled, a nervous shiver running up his spine. He clutched the clothes in his arms tighter, as if the action would eradicate his chest, as Logan kept talking.

“Sorry to stop you, it is late after all, I just noticed your tattoo and had to ask if it is the constellation Phoenix?” Oh. Oh. Virgil felt the relief sweep through him like a crashing wave. 'He just saw your tattoo. Nothing else.'

“Oh, yeah it is actually. You like astronomy?” In truth, Virgil was more than happy to talk about his back tattoo, even though it was still unfinished. In the middle of his back was the constellation Phoenix, as Logan had surmised, with a slight purple galaxy behind and around it. Extending from the constellation was the start of a pair of wings, which was what Virgil had yet to get finished.

“Yes, it fascinates me. May I ask why you chose that particular constellation?”

“Well, Phoenixes are birds that live forever. It’s always reborn when it dies, and that’s pretty inspiring. It’s like an embodiment of ‘What kills you makes you stronger’.” Virgil spoke before he had even registered his mouth moving, and once he realised what he said, his eyes widened and he took a few steps back. “S-sorry, I’ll just-“

“No need to apologise, that’s an incredible reason for getting a tattoo.” Logan had a small smile on his face, and when Virgil looked up at him, he could swear that the taller man’s cheeks turned a slightly darker shade of pink. Logan checked his watch before clearing his throat. “I apologise, I’ve kept you for too long. However, I would like to keep discussing astronomy with you, my other friend is a bit too dull to be interested in such a field.” Virgil couldn’t help but let out a small snicker at that. “If you’re free tomorrow afternoon, we could continue this conversation then?” Virgil thought for a moment, before nodding.

“Sounds good. I’ve never met anyone who likes astronomy either.” Logan’s smile widened ever so slightly.

“I’ll come by your apartment later today with my number so we can properly arrange if that’s alright. Well, I better let you go.” Virgil nodded again and turned to walk to the stairs.

“I’m in 31 by the way!” He called back as he walked.

 

It wasn’t until Virgil had put his clothes in one of the washing machines in the laundry room that he paused. 'Wait… was I just asked out on a date?'


	11. Midnight Meetup Reversed

It was 1:27 am, and Logan couldn’t sleep. He hated this, the bouts of insomnia that would come and go completely randomly. Oh well, he thought as he pulled on a loose, black v-neck and a random pair of sweatpants. 'I should go get some food while I’m awake.' He slipped on his black trainers and walked out of his apartment, but he froze.

'Is that…Virgil?' There was a person walking down the hall, looking incredibly skinny in the purple tank top that was almost hanging off their frame and sweatpants that looked ready to fall off as well. There was a tattoo on their back, which looked strangely like the Phoenix constellation, with wings coming from it. That purple hair was extremely familiar though.

“Virgil?” The figure froze as Logan spoke. It must really be him. “That is you, isn’t it, Virgil?” The figure slowly turned around, and it was in fact, Virgil. He had large bags underneath his tired, silver eyes, and he had a bundle of black and purple clutched tightly against his chest.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Logan, right?” His voice was low and sleepy, and Logan couldn’t help but feel happiness start to simmer in his stomach. 'He actually remembers my name.' However, before he let his emotions show, he swallowed them down as always and quickly thought of a way to keep this conversation going.

“You remembered. It’s nice to finally meet you, although I didn’t know you also lived in this building.”

“Yeah…” 'Crap, he looks uncomfortable', Logan thought. Virgil had tightened his grip on the clothes in his arms, and he was biting down hard on his lip, as if unaware he was even doing it. Logan didn’t want to mess this up; he wanted to actually get to know Virgil, and scaring him off wouldn’t be the best way to get to know him.

“Sorry to stop you, it is late after all, I just noticed your tattoo and had to ask if it is the constellation Phoenix?” Virgil’s body visibly relaxed at this question, although he was still pressing his clothes against his chest tightly.

“Oh, yeah it is actually. You like astronomy?” His eyes seemed to light up as he began talking about his tattoo, and Logan couldn’t stop the small smile making its way onto his face at that. 'He’s cute when he’s excited…'

“Yes, it fascinates me. May I ask why you chose that particular constellation?” He had found common ground between them. This was good. 'You can do this, Lo.'

“Well, Phoenixes are birds that live forever. It’s always reborn when it dies, and that’s pretty inspiring. It’s like an embodiment of ‘What kills you makes you stronger’.” 'Okay, he’s really cute when he rambles…' Before Logan could get over this small surge of emotion from seeing Virgil talk so animatedly, Virgil had apparently realised what he had said and his eyes were wide. “S-sorry, I’ll just-“ 'No crap don’t feel bad!'

“No need to apologise, that’s an incredible reason for getting a tattoo.” Logan could feel his cheeks beginning to burn, especially when Virgil looked up at him, a look in his eyes that Logan couldn’t quite identify. However, he didn’t have much time to ponder this look as he glanced at his watch, and realised that he had already kept Virgil for ten minutes. He cleared his throat. “I apologise, I’ve kept you for too long. However, I would like to keep discussing astronomy with you, my other friend is a bit too dull to be interested in such a field.” Virgil let out a breath of laughter, and Logan’s smile grew. “If you’re free tomorrow afternoon, we could continue this conversation then?” There was silence for a few seconds, and Logan felt the nerves creep up his back. Had he messed up? Was Virgil now weirded out? Logan was so absorbed rattling off all the possible reasons for Virgil’s silence that he almost missed the small nod he gave.

“Sounds good. I’ve never met anyone who likes astronomy either.” The smile returned to Logan’s face, his lips quirking up ever so slightly more than before.

“I’ll come by your apartment later today with my number so we can properly arrange if that’s alright. Well, I better let you go.” Virgil nodded his head and he turned back around, heading to the stairs.

“I’m in 31 by the way!” He called back without looking at Logan, and Logan once again felt his cheeks burning as Virgil walked down the stairs and out of sight.

 

Logan returned to his apartment, suddenly feeling inexplicably exhausted, and only allowed time to take off his glasses before crashing onto his bed, a smile on his face.

 

Logan had a chance, either to be friends with Virgil or something more. And he was happy with either outcome.


	12. Getting Ready

“A date!? That’s so amazing!” Patton was nearly screaming at Virgil from his phone screen as he rubbed a towel against his still wet hair.

“Relax, Pat, it’s just a date,” Virgil sighed, throwing his towel onto a chair and flattening his hair with his hand.

“Virg, not to change the subject, but are your nails painted or is the light in your room weird?” Virgil paused, glancing down at his freshly painted lavender coloured nails. It’s really that noticeable?

“Do you think it’s too much?”

“No! No no of course not I really like it!” Patton was frowning, he was concerned that he had hurt Virgil’s feelings. Virgil couldn’t help but smile slightly.

“Thanks, Pat.” Virgil looked at his reflection for a little longer before nodding his head. “How do I look?”

“You look great!!!” Patton emphasised his point by giving Virgil two thumbs up. “Now are you sure I can’t know who your date is with?”

“I’m sure. Hell, it might not even be a date, he wasn’t really clear on that.” Virgil bit his lip, looking at his reflection again. He could feel the nerves begin to creep on his skin and up his back, and he took a deep, shaky breath to try and calm himself down.

“You okay, Virg?” Virgil was very nearly startled by Patton’s almost fatherly voice.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine.” Patton didn’t look convinced.

“You’re going to be fine, Virgil, okay? You will have a great outing with a nice guy, alright? And you will tell me all about it when you get back, you got that?” Virgil let out a sharp exhale, trying to cover up his laughter at how serious Patton was acting.

“Alright, alright, I get it, Pat.” Virgil glanced at the small alarm clock on the table he was sat at, before standing up. “Right, it’s time.”

“You’ll do great, Kiddo!” Patton smiled enthusiastically, and Virgil couldn’t help but smile back. Patton’s smiles are seriously contagious…

“Thanks, Pat. I’ll see you later.” With that, Virgil hung up the call and pocketed his phone, before throwing on his hoodie and walking out of his apartment. It’s just one outing. You can do this.


	13. The First Date

Virgil was early. He knew that he was most definitely ten minutes early. Yet his mind was still spiralling, yelling a million different reasons for why Logan wasn’t here. I’m early, he’ll probably be here at the time he set, he tried to keep telling himself. However, he could feel all of the muscles in his body begin to tense as the clock in the coffee shop ticked on, getting closer and closer to 1 pm. He was now sitting on the very edge of his seat at the small table he had picked out and his freshly painted nails were now digging into his palms and 'oh god they’ll chip he’ll think they’re awful and'-

His phone vibrated from its position on the table, and Virgil reluctantly unclenched one hand to pick up the small device, his entire arm shaking as he slowly checked his notifications. It was a text from Logan.

[One new message from Logan, 12:59 pm]:  
I do not see you. Are you by chance running late?

Virgil felt a wave of relief rush through him, his entire body relaxing as he typed out a reply.

[From Virgil, 12:59 pm]:  
im inside the cafe, near the back

Just as the clock struck 1 pm, Logan walked through the door, the small tinkle of the bell signalling his presence. Virgil looked up, and suddenly all of the nerves were back. Logan was there, dressed in a shirt and casual-ish blazer jacket, as well as blue denim jeans, and Virgil remembered how little he actually knew about the guy, causing the knot in his stomach to tighten tenfold. He didn’t even know Logan’s last name and here he was about to sit and talk over coffee!

Virgil watched with wary eyes as Logan ordered a large, hot drink before coming over to the table Virgil was sat at. He had a small smile on his face, one that was almost impossible to notice, but it still helped somewhat to alleviate Virgil’s nerves.

“Salutations, Virgil,” Logan greeted, much the same way that he greeted Patton at the library. “It’s rather crowded in here, would you prefer to have a walk towards the park? You seem to be a little nervous.” He had picked that up after looking at Virgil for a few seconds? That was embarrassing. However, Virgil attempted to swallow his minimal pride as he nodded, standing up a bit too quickly and grabbing his chocolate Frappuccino. Logan then led the way out of the coffee shop, and they began to walk to the park, side by side.

“So, uh,” Virgil began, his teeth gently grazing the straw of his drink. “Why do you like astronomy?” He felt a lot calmer now that he was out of the coffee shop and no longer surrounded by lots of people.

“Honestly, I only began studying it because my parents wanted me to do something more creative.” Logan sent a slight smile at Virgil before continuing. “It’s quite humorous, how something I never even wanted to study has now become one of my favourite topics. Stars are fascinating, especially with all the images they can create in the sky. What about you?” Virgil took a sip of his drink before answering.

“My dad’s been taking me stargazing since I was around six years old, guess he kinda transferred his love for it onto me.” Virgil let out a small, nervous laugh as they arrived at a small bench at the park. “Well, at least enough for me to get a PhD in the subject, anyway,” Virgil tried to mutter, going back to chewing on his straw.

“A PhD? That’s quite impressive,” Logan hummed, taking a sip of his coffee. “If you don’t mind me asking, why are you working night shifts in a library if you have such high qualifications?” Virgil nearly choked on his coffee, but he managed to compose himself, his mind now whirring as he tried to think of an excuse.

“Not many people wanna hire an emo with purple hair and a homemade jacket, y’know?” Virgil added a small laugh to the end of his sentence, trying to make it sound like more of a joke than fact, and Logan seemed to buy it, nodding his head with a solemn look on his face.

“There are many employers who are prejudiced over who walks through their doors to work.” You have no idea. “I hope that you will someday find a job better suited to your wanted career, although I know Patton would never want you to leave the library.” Virgil let out a chuckle at that before the pair fell into silence. It was comfortable, and Virgil didn’t mind just watching other park goers while sat next to Logan, a fairly reasonable amount of space between them, even for Virgil’s normally anti-social mind.

After a few more minutes of silence, Virgil was beginning to feel his anxiety spike up, and so he decided to speak.

“So… do you have any tattoos?” Logan took a moment to finish off his drink before speaking.

“I have not, although I would not be against getting one in the future if there was an image I wanted on my skin. Do you have any others?”

“Only this little one,” Virgil said before lifting his arm up, allowing his sleeve to drop enough to reveal the small semiquaver note on his wrist. Seeing Logan’s slight confusion, Virgil continued. “I only got it when I quit making music, to remind myself I guess. It’s stupid, really.” Virgil quickly covered his wrist up again, looking at his lap as he felt his cheeks beginning to burn.

“I don’t believe that it’s stupid. Sometimes, a reminder of what once was is all we need to move on from it. Reliving memories can be a wonderful way to keep going in life.” Virgil looked up at Logan, to see him smiling ever so slightly at him, and Virgil couldn’t help but smile back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You didn’t have to walk me to my job,” Virgil half-joked as the pair arrived at the library, their hands brushing against each other every so often.

“It’s the least I could do, especially after making you late.”

“I’m only late by a few minutes, I’m sure Patton won’t mind. But, thanks,” Virgil bit his lip for a moment, trying to figure out how to word his next sentence. “Today was nice.”

“It was enjoyable talking with you,” Logan agreed, once again giving Virgil a small smile, which Virgil happily returned. “We should do this again, perhaps this weekend? I’m afraid that I’m working every other weekday this week.” Virgil thought for a moment, now glad that he was so anti-social to not have any other plans.

“That sounds good, we can sort out a time nearer the end of the week.” Virgil could feel his smile growing slightly as Logan nodded.

“That is satisfactory. I will see you later, Virgil.” And with that, Logan walked off, shooting a wave at Virgil before he left.


	14. Finding Out

Patton was conflicted. It was really heartwarming, how Virgil had been noticeably smiley-er in the last month since he had started dating this mysterious guy, yet Patton also knew how much Logan had wanted to get to know Virgil. In fact, Patton hadn’t seen Logan around the library at all in the past month, and it left him feeling confused. He wanted happiness for both his friends, but he didn’t know how to achieve that.

 

It was Wednesday evening, and Patton was ready and waiting for Virgil to show up at the library. They were going out to get fast food together, it had quickly become a weekly tradition of theirs, and Patton was determined to at least find out more about the guy Virgil was dating. He had been so secretive, and Patton wanted to know what competition Logan was up against if he still stood a chance.

“Virgil!” Patton was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the exclamation. He knew that voice. He quickly made his way to the still open window, and looked out at the pavement in front of the library.

Sure enough, Logan was there, wearing a navy blue shirt and his normal black work trousers, face to face with Virgil, who was engulfed by his thick patchwork hoodie, as always.

“Hey, Lo, what’s up?” Since when did Virgil call him Lo? Logan held out his hand to Virgil, although Patton couldn’t see what he was holding from the angle he was watching from.

“You dropped this pin when you departed from our last date.” Wait, what? Virgil’s eyes lit up somewhat.

“That’s where it went, I thought I’d lost it.” Virgil took the pin from Logan and reattached it to his hoodie before hesitating. He then very briefly wrapped his arms around Logan’s middle before moving away. “Thanks, I guess…” Virgil’s face was now a deep shade of red, and Patton had to cover his mouth with both hands to stop himself from squealing. Virgil was dating Logan this whole time!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After once again thanking him, Logan departed to go to his apartment, and Virgil climbed the steps to the library, still fiddling with the thundercloud pin that he was very glad that Logan picked up. He wouldn’t admit it, at least not out loud, but the old, slightly rusty pin meant more to him than anything else he owned.

 

When Virgil opened the library door, he was met by a very starstruck Patton, who was looking at him as if he had just brought Christmas six months early.

“Pat? You okay?” Virgil asked, immediately set on edge by Patton’s strange behaviour.

“You’re dating Logan…” Patton whispered, through the hands still cupped over his mouth, and Virgil’s eyes widened, the hairs on his neck beginning to stand on end.

“You saw us?” Patton nodded, clearly restraining himself from bouncing with excitement, and Virgil’s face returned to the deep red it had been minutes before.

“You guys are so cute!!! You should’ve told me!” Patton practically attached himself to Virgil, hugging with all his might.

“He-hey, Pat! Get off!” Virgil tried to hide the small laugh in his voice, yet it did nothing to dissuade Patton, who was now cooing at just how cute Virgil and Logan were together.

 

If he was being honest, Virgil would say that he felt genuinely happy for the first time in a long while. Little did he know that this happiness was about to crack.


	15. A Sudden Storm

It was a slow day when it happened. Virgil had come into the library early to quickly reorder any misplaced books, as Patton wanted to grab dinner and hang out for a while, and the man in question was at the desk, sorting out his schedule for the next week. It was calm, and Patton was playing some sort of Disney playlist through his small Bluetooth speaker, allowing a soft hum of noise to flow through the library.

 

Virgil wasn’t ready for the storm, however, as the library doors slammed open, and a voice too loud for any situation, let alone a library, bellowed out.

“Right! Where is the man who has stolen my best friend’s heart!?” Virgil froze, every hair on his body standing on end as his eyes grew wide. The voice wasn’t angry by any means, but the suddenness of such volume had Virgil completely on edge, his breathing already becoming shallow.

The person who entered the library began to walk in, and Virgil mentally cursed as he realised that Pat had gone to the bathroom. /Shit he’s going to find me now!/

“Aha!” The person spoke, his voice just as loud but right behind Virgil, causing him to violently flinch away, turning to look at the speaker.

 

'Tall…' was Virgil’s first thought. This man was easily nearing six foot tall, and his broad shoulders and filled out form didn’t help to make him look less intimidating. He was wearing a pure white leather jacket and matching skinny jeans, the only colour on him being his bright red shoes and gold nail polish. His light brown hair was perfectly coiffed, not a hair was out of place, and his green eyes shone, although they held a confusing look.

“Oh? Logan didn’t tell me that you were a trans boy. You are Virgil, correct?” What the fuck? Virgil had to clench his jaw, not trusting himself to speak, although now he wasn’t sure if he was trembling with fear, rage, or a combination of the two. Virgil slightly jerked his head to say yes, before this person continued. “Ah, good! As I’m sure you’ll know by now, I’m Roman Prince! Logan’s best friend for many years, and the infinitely cooler of our pair!” Virgil’s eyes widened ever so slightly more, remembering what Logan had said when mentioning Roman.

 

“Oh, Roman is the friend I told you about before, the one who does not understand my love for astronomy. He’s very loud, and does not understand that some people prefer to keep their lives private.”

 

Roman kept on talking. “But it is strange to me how he never mentioned that you’re trans, especially with how much he talks about you.” If Virgil wasn’t beginning to realise that he was shaking due to anger, he would’ve blushed at this.

“Quiet…” Virgil managed to say, his voice sounding strangled due to the mix of anxiety and rage that was swirling within him, although the anger was slowly overpowering him. However, Roman didn’t seem to hear him.

“Although you do seem to pass quite well, I must say! Are you on hormones? Any surgeries, perhaps?” That was it, that was the last straw. Virgil’s anger took control, and he swiftly lifted his knee and slammed it into Roman’s most private area. This caused the man to hunch over, his face now more level with Virgil’s, and Virgil took the chance to punch this arrogant bastard right in the jaw, knocking him onto the floor before he had time to react.

“That’s not your business…” Virgil panted, before stepping around Roman and running out of the door, feeling tears begin to prick in his eyes.

 

When Patton came out of the bathroom, he didn’t expect to see Roman on the floor, cradling his face, or a lack of Virgil, but he did, dropping the towel he was using to dry his hands in shock.

“W-what happened?”


	16. Disappearance

{Logan,}

 

“-The number you have tried to call is currently unreachable-“ Logan hung up the phone one more time, once again double checking to see if Virgil had read any of his messages. He hadn’t. Logan sighed, before ringing Virgil’s number for the umpteenth time.

 

{I’m really sorry for not telling you this sooner, but I wanted to tell you now. Before someone else could.}

 

He wasn’t at home, and he wasn’t at the library. Patton hadn’t heard anything from him either.

“No, sorry,” had been Payton’s reply when Logan asked if he had seen Virgil. “I haven’t seen Virg since Roman came in the other day, actually. You don’t… think something happened, do you?”

 

{I’m transgender. I was born as a girl, although I’ve been living as a guy for nearly 20 years now.}

 

“Patton, did you know that Virgil was transgender?” Patton hesitated.

“He told you?”

“Not exactly. He sent me a letter and hasn’t been picking up his phone since, and it’s been nearly four days.” Patton bit his lip, and Logan managed to catch the worry in his eyes.

 

}You’re allowed to hate me, and never want to see me anymore. I just didn’t want anything else to happen without you knowing, and I wanted to be the one to tell you. I’m sorry.  
-Virgil}

 

“I’ll check the places we’ve hung out together, you should go on a more general search so we can cover more ground!” Patton yelled as he ran off to the coffee shop. Logan sighed, running a hand through his hair before beginning to walk the other way, trying to calm his nerves.

“Virgil…”

 

[6 new messages from: Logan, 9:36pm]

I received your letter, Virgil.  
-  
I want you to know that I in no way want to end our outings, or have my feelings changed.  
-  
You had every right to not tell me, it was not a necessity.  
-  
And you are still a boy, no matter what sex you were born with.  
-  
I would like to meet up with you before your shift tomorrow night.

 

[2 missed calls from: Logan]  
[3 new messages from: Logan, 1:47pm]

Virgil?  
-  
You didn’t show up for your work shift last night.  
-  
Are you alright?

 

[11 missed calls from: Logan]  
[4 new messages from: Logan, 8:32pm]

Virgil?  
-  
Where are you?  
-  
I’ve looked everywhere, it’s almost as if you’ve vanished into thin air, which I know is illogical.  
-  
Please, Virgil. I’m worried.


	17. Under The Stars

The sky had settled into darkness while Logan searched the entire city for Virgil. Stars were littered in the purple-black sky, but for once, Logan didn’t pay the stars any heed. His heart was beginning to hurt at the thought of something bad happening to Virgil, and as each hour passed, Logan began to realise how real that possibility was.

 

He was in the park now, aimlessly wandering, for a sign of a dark hoodie, purple hair, silver eyes, anything that looked like Virgil.

 

That was when Logan saw him. Virgil was lying on a lilac blanket, hands behind his head as he was just staring at the stars. He’s okay… Logan sighed in relief, although he did take note of the bags that had grown under Virgil’s eyes, and the slight thinness of his face. He slowly walked up, making sure to keep some distance so as to not scare Virgil off. Not again.

“Sit,” was the first word Virgil spoke, his voice thick and crackly. “Lie down, look at the stars.” Logan obliged, laying down next to Virgil on the grass, allowing enough distance for Virgil’s personal bubble.

“I’m glad you’re alright, Virgil,” Logan muttered, keeping his voice low.

“Shh, just look at the stars.” Logan huffed slightly and looked up at the stars. With it being November, Logan absentmindedly remarked how he would be able to see Phoenix if he had a telescope with him.

“You never read my texts.”

“I turned my phone off after sending that note…”

“Speaking of that-” Logan had begun to move to look at Virgil, but the latter just sighed, almost dejectedly, as he turned his head away from Logan.

“Don’t look at me… just look up… please…” With a small huff of air, Logan obeyed, looking up at the stars once more.

“I’m not disgusted by you if that’s why you don’t want me looking at you. I don’t hate you either. You’re not wrong for living as yourself. And I have no reason to not see you as a boy, as that is what you are in your mind and your heart, no matter what. In fact, I think you are incredibly brave for telling me, you had every right to keep this from me, for your own state of mind and potential safety.” Logan paused, choosing his next words carefully. “I’ve never been good with feelings, but I like you, Virgil. I like you a lot. And this information doesn’t change anything.” There was silence, and the air felt heavy despite it being freezing outside. After about a minute, Logan decided to once again try to look at Virgil.

 

When he did, he saw tears, tears rolling down Virgil’s face silently. Logan immediately sat up, still looking at Virgil, worry on his face. “V-Virgil are you okay? Did I say something wrong? Are you physically hur-“ Slowly, Virgil began to chuckle, softly at first but it grew in volume until he was full on laughing, fresh tears brimming in his eyes as he also sat up.

“Y-y’know,” Virgil choked through his laughter as he began wiping his face on his hoodie sleeves. “For being such a smartass, you’re really dumb.” Logan couldn’t help the smile creeping onto his face as he let out a small laugh.

“I don’t see where you got this observation from.”

“You say,” Virgil sniffled before continuing. “You say all that, the nicest and most heartwarming things I have ever heard anyone say to me, and you expect me not to cry?” Virgil’s voice broke on the last word, and tears spilt over, now streaming down his face.

“Virgil…” Logan tentatively wrapped an arm around Virgil’s shoulders before bringing him into a hug, and Virgil immediately wrapped both his arms around Logan’s waist, clinging desperately.

“Shut up… you didn’t see me crying…”

“Of course I didn’t…” Logan’s voice was barely a whisper as he rested his chin on Virgil’s head. After a few moments, Logan slowly pulled his phone out of his pocket, before beginning to type one-handed. “I’m just telling Patton that I found you,” Logan stated, knowing that Virgil was confused as to what he was doing. “We were both extremely worried about you.” He sent the text and put his phone back into his pocket.

“Sorry…” Virgil mumbled into Logan’s shirt. He was still clutching onto Logan as if his life depended on it, and Logan couldn’t help but thread a gentle hand through his purple locks, ignoring his phone buzzing angrily in his pocket. Of course, Patton was trying to call him.

“You don’t need to apologise. You were scared.” Logan’s phone started buzzing again, and Virgil pulled away, looking reluctant.

“You should answer that…” He sniffled before rubbing his eyes rather harshly.

“First, we should get inside. My apartment will be easier to get to as it’s on a lower floor.” Logan gently tilted Virgil’s head up by his chin, looking into his eyes. “You’re freezing, Virgil, and you look like you haven’t slept or eaten since you went off the grid.” Just then, Virgil shivered violently, before slowly leaning back against Logan’s chest.

“That sounds good… but you have to call Patton.”

“Of course.” Slowly, they stood up, and once Virgil had gathered his things they set off. Virgil was silently refusing to move the arm around Logan’s waist, so Logan gently wrapped an arm around Virgil’s shoulders, understanding that right now, Virgil needed contact that he was happy to give.


	18. Safe Again

When Virgil woke up, he felt warm and comfortable, surrounded by thick blankets. He rolled over, allowing his face to hit the cold section of the pillow his head was resting on and was immediately ready to get back to sleep, pulling the blankets tighter around him without even opening his eyes. He knew he wasn’t in his own home, yet he felt secure.

 

There was a knock, presumably at the door of the room Virgil was in before the sound of a door slowly opening. Virgil could see the light coming in against his eyelids, and he groaned, pulling the blankets above his head.

“I see you’re awake,” Logan commented, his voice soft as if he hadn’t woken up too long ago. “If you’re hungry, I have made breakfast, although it might not be as good as Patton’s cooking.”

“Virgil Sanders is not here, leave a message af-” Virgil yawned, “-after the tone.”

“Virgil you need to keep a steady sleep cycle.” Virgil managed to catch the hint of a laugh in Logan’s voice, even while still buried under the blankets. “Besides, Patton will be here soon, would you rather him or me try to get you to eat something?” At this, Virgil bolted up, not caring about how messy his hair must’ve been, his eyes wide. Patton was a sweetheart, but he could be rather aggressive with his love, especially when Virgil wasn’t taking care of himself, he knew that from personal experience.

“Okay, I’ll get up. Just leave so I can get dressed, okay?” Logan nodded in understanding and left the room, closing the door behind him.

 

After a few minutes of allowing himself to wake up more, Virgil stood up and began to change. Logan had lent him an old, baggy top and a pair of pyjama bottoms covered in planets, and had also washed the clothes Virgil had been wearing last night, including his binder, before folding them and putting them on the dresser in the spare room Virgil was sleeping in.

 

Virgil sighed, before pulling off the shirt and pants, trying his best to avoid his reflection in the mirror that was screwed into the wall, yet he couldn’t avoid it. It felt wrong. He felt male in every other aspect of his life, yet there was the jarring reminder attached to his chest constantly. He found himself absently staring at his reflection moments later, wondering why. Why was this the life he had been given? He was a boy, yet the world was screaming at him, yelling that he was a girl, even now people still misgendered him in public. Of course, they did, his hips were just a little too wide, his face just a little too round, shoulders just a little too narrow.

 

A knock at the door broke the trance that Virgil found himself in, and he hurried to get dressed, almost missing what Logan said.

“Patton’s on his way, okay Virgil? And I left you some food on the table.” In minutes, Virgil was dressed and once again staring at his reflection, this time checking the flatness of his chest and the tidiness of his hair, before he finally left the spare room and walked into the dining room slash kitchen.

 

Logan’s apartment wasn’t as large or spacious as Patton’s, but it was still a lot larger than Virgil’s and held an air of cleanliness and organisation to it. The kitchen had nearly every worktop completely clear of utensils, and the dining table had a single plate, glass of water and set of cutlery, as well as a large ball of black fur. Logan’s cat, Flora. Virgil gently stroked her back as he passed, before sitting down and looking at the simple scrambled eggs and toast that was waiting for him. It wasn’t as extravagant as something Patton would make, but it still looked delicious, at least to Virgil’s starved mind and stomach, so he dug in, holding one arm out to cover his plate from Flora, who had developed an interest in what Virgil was doing, and had perked her head up, green eyes gleaming.

 

Almost as soon as Virgil put down his fork to take a drink of water, there was the sound of a door slamming open, which caused a shiver to run up Virgil’s spine, especially after what had happened the last time he had heard a door open so forcefully.

“Patton, you can’t just charge in like this. Have you taken your allergy medication? You know Flora will cause a reaction.” Logan seemed to be trying to Patton down, but within seconds, Patton had moved from the front door, ran into the dining room, and tackled Virgil to the ground in a hug.

“Viiiirgil!” Was he… crying? “You’re okay! You’re okay! Never do that to me again, you hear me!?” Yes, Patton was indeed crying into Virgil’s shoulder as they lay in an awkward tangle on the ground, half on the now knocked over chair. Virgil wrapped his arms around Patton, getting over the shock, and gently patted his back.

“I’m sorry, Pat…” Virgil whispered, now feeling tears prick in his own eyes.

“I… I was, I was… so worried…” Patton tightened his grip as if he planned on never letting go of Virgil again. “You have eaten, right? You haven’t been bad to yourself?”

“Logan gave me some dinner and breakfast, Pat, I’m okay…” Patton snivelled again, before pulling away slightly to rub his eyes and nose with his sleeve.

“Good.” Patton gave a watery smile, and Virgil couldn’t help but wonder why he ever tried to cut himself off from people who genuinely cared for him.


	19. A Revelation

After a few more minutes of nearly squeezing Virgil to death, Patton finally stood up, pulling Virgil up with him.

“Oh yeah!” Patton exclaimed once he and Virgil were both sitting on chairs. “Ro asked me to tell you that he’s really sorry about what he said, he’s a bit rough around the edges but he honestly didn’t mean to hurt you.” Virgil paused.

“Really?”

“Yeah! He’s really nice when you get to know him!” Patton smiled widely before reaching over to pick Flora up and hug her to his chest. “I mean he won this really big acting competition a few years back and gave almost all of the money to me and our sisters, and he’s always done the best he can to support us all. He just forgets sometimes that not everybody is extroverted, that’s all.” Virgil took a moment, processing what Patton had said before something clicked.

“Is he… your brother!?”

“Well, yeah! Roman Prince, Patton Prince! You could say we’re one royal pair!” Patton missed Virgil’s mixed look of shock and horror as the former began playing with Flora in his lap, ignoring how his eyes were beginning to itch as he stroked the soft, black fur.

“You… are nothing alike.” Virgil finally managed to say, trying to shake off the shock. Patton looked up again, smiling widely.

“Everyone says that y’know! Which is weird, when we were younger nobody could tell us apart until I needed glasses!” Just then, Logan came into the room, cleaning his glasses before placing them back onto his face.

“Are you staying much longer, Patton? I can get you a drink if you would like.” Patton looked up at the small analogue clock, seemingly shocked by the time, before putting Flora back onto the table with a soft and very fluffy thump.

“Oh, I really can’t, I’m helping a bunch of kiddos in the library for a few hours, and I need to be there soon. I just came to make sure that Virgil was okay.” Patton stood up and stretched, before grabbing Virgil’s shoulder. “I’m here for ya, Kiddo.” And with that strangely deep sentiment, Patton left, almost as soon as his whirlwind of positivity had arrived.

“That was… interesting,” Logan sighed, sitting opposite Virgil. “How do you feel, Virgil?”

“Better, honestly,” Virgil spoke before his mind had time to fully process what he said, but he found himself now a lot more relaxed in Logan’s company so he didn’t mind too much. Virgil picked up his fork and continued eating the breakfast Logan had made him. “Thanks for being so okay with me,” he managed to get out before biting off a large piece of toast, once again feeling his hunger in full force.

 

Logan paused and refrained from speaking. The pure, genuine gratitude in Virgil’s words shocked him as if the former had received little support throughout his life so far. Choosing to ignore the pang in his heart that that possibility gave him, Logan simply gave Virgil a small smile.

“You’re still you, after all.”


	20. Surgery Talk

“What do you think about surgery?” Logan looked up from the book he was reading over to Virgil, who was sat on the other side of the couch, curled up and holding his phone. It was a few weeks after Logan had found Virgil under the stars, and they were having a sort of ‘date night’, comprised of eating an assorted mix of food from the nearby pizza place and both reading the same book, with Virgil reading it on his phone.

“In general? That’s a very broad subject,” Logan began, marking his page with a bookmark and putting the book down.

“No, like, me. Me… getting surgeries.”

“Oh.” Virgil brought his knees closer to his chest as he watched Logan’s expression for a sign of his thoughts. He wasn’t binding, Logan had reminded him that he didn’t care whether Virgil’s chest was flat or not, so Virgil had bundled himself up in enough layers to hide his chest, more from himself than from Logan.

“I wouldn’t have a problem with it if you were to undergo any surgeries.” Logan spoke again, taking Virgil out of his thoughts. “It’s your body, after all, nobody else should dictate whether you’re allowed to change it or not. The same would go for any hormones you either are or would like to be taking.” Virgil was speechless. Logan had said that so calmly and professionally and was being so supportive of him, it was almost overwhelming. Virgil could feel a sudden rush of some sort of emotion that he couldn’t describe, and a lump was beginning to form in his throat. “If you are already taking hormones, don’t be afraid to tell me. Only for if your health is impaired in the future, of course.”

“Y-yeah,” Virgil roughly rubbed at his eyes with his hoodie sleeve, determined not to cry. “How do you know so much anyway?”

“My cousin Emile is a therapist, actually, specialising in LGBT+ youths. He himself is-” Logan was cut off by the ringing of his phone lying on the coffee table, which he promptly picked up and answered, putting the phone on speaker.

“Lo you Microsoft Turd, why haven’t you responded to my texts!?” Roman’s booming voice filled Logan’s apartment, causing Virgil to stiffen up. Logan sighed, pinching his nose.

“I didn’t respond because I am spending time with Virgil tonight. I told you this, Roman.”

“But this concerns him too! Look, both of you need to be free tomorrow from 12 pm onwards, okay!? Meet us at Patton’s! I refuse to take no for an answer Lo!” And with that, Roman hung up, allowing silence to take over the room once more.

“I guess we have plans tomorrow.” Logan finally said, seeming to have had to process the conversation for just as long as Virgil did. Virgil couldn’t help but groan slightly as he reached for another piece of garlic bread.

“Who makes plans on a Sunday afternoon?” He whined, causing Logan to chuckle softly.

“If it turns out to be too much for you, we can always leave. Roman will have a hissy fit but he won’t actually be angry.”

“If I get overwhelmed I’ll leave with or without you, every man for himself.”

“Noted.” Logan chuckled again, and Virgil couldn’t help but let out a small laugh himself.


	21. Apologetic

“You are shitting me.”

“C’mon Virge it’ll be fun! That’s the whole reason Ro organised everything!”

“That doesn’t explain why he chose to go bowling!” Virgil, Patton and Logan were standing outside of a bowling alley, one which had only been built a few years ago but was still insanely popular. Roman has insisted that he go on ahead when they met up at Patton’s apartment, and the man in question had just come out of the bowling alley, holding a small box wrapped in purple.

“The bowling lanes await us, gents!” He announced, his voice not lowering in the slightest, which still caused Virgil to somewhat flinch away.

“Roman, may I ask why exactly you chose to bring us bowling?” Logan asked, folding his arms.

“Well it’s something fun that all four of us can do! We could also form teams! But…” Roman glances at Virgil before continuing. “Before we do all the fun stuff, I need to say something, Virgil.” Roman stepped towards Virgil, his body language suddenly completely different. He seemed sheepish and shy, and it shocked Virgil into silence. “I was incredibly rude to you the last time we spoke, and I am truly sorry for that. I shouldn’t have assumed you would want to talk about anything as personal as your transition, especially not to somebody who was a stranger to you at the time. Hopefully, this small offering can sum up how much I would like to start afresh with you.” Roman handed Virgil the box, then stayed silent, waiting for a reaction. Hesitantly, Virgil unwrapped the box and opened it up, revealing a small metal pin in the shape of a black cat.

“It’s a pin…” Virgil thought out loud, taking the pin out of the box and looking it over. The black was sleek and shone in the November sunlight, standing out against the silver outline almost perfectly.

“I was told you like cats…” Roman trailed off, his tone now very awkward and almost scared. 

“Yeah, I…” Virgil turned over the pin, having felt a groove, and his eyes widened as he saw what was inscribed on the back. “Thanks…” 

“You like it? Wonderful!” Roman perked up, his energy levels once again skyrocketing. “Then let us delve into the realm of bowling!” And with that, Roman led them all into the bowling alley.

 

Once inside, Virgil put the pin back into its box before pocketing it, then followed Patton to get the bowling shoes while Logan and Roman went to find a lane.

“You still wanna run away, kiddo?” Patton asked as they waited for the girl behind the counter to find all four different shoe sizes. Virgil groaned slightly, Logan must’ve told him what he said yesterday, but he couldn’t stop the small smile playing on his lips.

“Roman’s… not so bad, now.” Patton squealed at hearing this revelation.

“That’s great! I’m so glad you two are going to get along now! Roman even said that if we do teams he would want to be paired with you.”

“Me? Why?” Virgil was surprised as he asked, grabbing the shoes for him and Logan before walking with Patton to the chosen lane. 

“He said something about it would be like one brother and boyfriend to a team, something like that.” Patton smiled widely but paused as he noticed Virgil had stopped walking a few steps away.

“We’re not… Logan and I aren’t…” Patton’s face fell.

“You haven’t officially said that you’re boyfriends?” Virgil shook his head, and Patton immediately pulled Virgil into a side hug. “Don’t worry about it! You know Logan, he’s not really that good at expressing feelings towards other people, but I know for a fact that he cares more about you than anybody else in his life right now. For now let’s just do some bowling and have some fun, just the four of us, okay?” Virgil nodded, his cheeks burned a dark red before they continued over to Logan and Roman, who seemed to be arguing over the split of the teams.


	22. The Game is On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooooooo!! Trying to Survive on here is officially caught up to where it is on tumblr!

The game was afoot. Roman and Virgil on one team, using the purplish red bowling balls, and Patton and Logan on the other, using the electric blue bowling balls. 

 

The one thing that nobody had counted on, however, was Virgil’s hidden skill of managing a strike nearly every single round. After his fourth strike in a row, Roman had whooped and given Virgil a short fistbump before turning to Logan with a smug grin on his face. 

“Jealous that I’m beating you with the help of your own boyfriend, Lo?” Logan’s cheeks became a light pink before he picked up a bowling ball.

“Preposterous. You are not the one on your team with any sort of skill.” Patton made an ooh-ing noise from where he was sat next to Virgil, his hand dipped into the bag of Doritos they had bought a few minutes ago. “I have no reason to be jealous of Virgil carrying your team.” Logan took his shot, managing to get a strike himself. 

“Hey, Virge?” Patton asked as Logan and Roman kept up the back and forth teasing. 

“Yeah?”

“When’s your birthday? I just realised that I don’t know and I wouldn’t want to miss it.” Patton smiled warmly. Virgil thought for a moment.

“Huh, it’s in three weeks today.” Patton gasped and stared wide-eyed at Virgil. “Did I say something wrong…?”

“It’s so soon? Oh gosh, I don’t even have a present for you or anything!”

“It’s alright, Pat, I didn’t really expect anybody to get me anything.” Patton stayed silent as they watched Roman take his second shot, resulting in a further two pins being knocked down with the four he got with his first one.

“Does Logan know how soon your birthday is? I’m sure he would want to celebrate it.

“I’m not really into big celebrations, Pat…” Virgil trailed off, staring into space as he chewed his lip. There really was something he wanted for his birthday, but it was finding the right words to ask.

“Patton? It’s your turn.” Logan reminded Patton as he walked up to them. “Are you two alright?” Patton beamed as he stood up, shaking off his concern for the moment.

“Yep, absolutely fine! I’ll go take my shot now, try not to eat my share of Doritos!” And with that, Patton walked up to the lane. Logan took Patton’s seat, his hand lying next to one of Virgil’s.

“I hope that this in some way bridges the gap between you and Roman. He can be rather abrasive but he is not a bad person.” When Logan received no response, he gently placed his hand over Virgil’s, causing Virgil to snap back into reality, almost starting away until he realised who it was. “Are you alright, Virgil?”

“Y-yeah,” Virgil nodded, pulling his hoodie more tightly around himself with his free hand before curling his legs up onto the chair he was sitting on. “Is it just me or did it get really loud suddenly?” 

“You might be getting overwhelmed, there are more people about now. Would you prefer to head home? We have been here for a few hours already.” After thinking for a moment, Virgil shook his head.

“I’m okay, really.” Noticing that Logan was still holding his hand, Virgil gently squeezed Logan’s hand, trying to be reassuring. Logan squeezed back, before looking up as Roman came over, stretching his arms. 

“Well I don’t know about you two lovebirds, but I need something to eat before we continue raging this bowling war.”

“Ooh, let’s get pizza!” Patton exclaimed as he also joined them. “There’s a brand new pizza place near here, I’ve been meaning to check it out!” 

“Patton, you need to keep your diet balanced, you cannot keep eating pizza, even with different toppings.” Logan pointed out. Roman huffed.

“You always do this when we want to have fast food, Lo-” Roman paused, his eyes landing on Virgil. “But there’s four of us now, and three against one will be enough of a split to sway even your logical mind! So what d’ya say, Storm Cloud?” Virgil internally cringed at the nickname, and his gaze shifted between all three of them. Patton was trying his best at puppy dog eyes, Roman was flashing him an almost cocky smile, and Logan was looking at him, his eyes holding an emotion that Virgil couldn’t decipher. After a minute, he sighed.

“We don’t all have to eat the same thing. We could go to the pizza place Patton mentioned and try to find stuff we all wanna eat, maybe.” Patton cheered triumphantly and Roman pumped his fist in the air before the pair began to gather their things, Patton chanting the word ‘pizza’ over and over again. Logan sighed, standing up and waiting for Virgil, who looked up at the scoreboard for a few seconds then grabbed his own bag and got up. “We still beat you,” Virgil couldn’t help but mumble, trying to fight the smile on his face. Logan breathed out a laugh, and the pair wandered after Patton and Roman’s chanting, hands loosely together.


	23. Official

When the four of them arrived at the small pizza parlour, Patton and Roman immediately claimed a corner booth in the back, taking up one side together, which allowed Virgil to steal the very corner seat, pressed up against the window. Logan took the remaining seat next to Virgil and seemed to almost unconsciously grab for his hand, out of sight for either Patton or Roman.

“Alright, boys, what’re we having?” Roman asked, looking up at the menu hanging above the order counter. 

“Ooh, ooh, I want some pizza with extra cheese and no icky tomato chunks!” Patton chimed, almost bouncing in his seat. Virgil took a glance at the menu and thought for a moment.

“I’ll just get some fries.”

“Are you sure, Kiddo? We could share my pizza if you want?” Patton almost seemed to be pleading with Virgil to eat more food, so Virgil gave him a quick smile.

“I’m fine, Pat, I’m not too hungry. We did eat a large bag of Doritos between us earlier.” Patton stared Virgil down for a second before nodding.

“Alright then, but don’t hesitate to take some of my food if you get hungry.” 

“So!” Roman clapped his hands together, causing all eyes to be on him. “That’s two pizzas and a large fries.” Ignoring Virgil’s protest on the size of his portion, Roman continued on. “What do you want, Specs?” 

“You know I’m not one for fast food, Roman.”

“But you need to eat something. I’m getting you a small fries, alright?” And with that, Roman stood up and went to order.

“He didn’t take any of our money to buy our food…” Virgil pointed out, and Logan sighed.

“Roman insists on buying our food whenever we eat together, no matter what we’re buying. I’ve tried to tell him that Patton and I are perfectly capable of buying our own food, but he doesn’t listen.”

 

When the food arrived, the whole group went silent as focus went to their meals. However, the silence was broken by Patton inexplicably shooting up out of his seat and announcing that he had to go to the bathroom as well as insisting that Virgil go with him. Once inside the bathroom, Patton sighed.

“Good, nobody’s in here. Are you okay, Virg?” Virgil was shocked. Had Patton dragged him into a bathroom just to check on him? 

“Yeah, I’m good.” Patton eyed Virgil almost suspiciously, and Virgil held up his hands in surrender. “Really, Pat.”

“Really? You don’t hate Ro anymore?” Virgil shook his head.

“No, he’s… he’s not so bad. He’s not… I just… I wanna do something and don’t know how to do it.” Virgil sighed, and Patton pulled him into a side hug. Virgil looked up at him and smiled slightly.

“Do you want me to help you?”

“No, no, I’ll be okay. Let’s get back, they might start to worry if we’re gone too long.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The rest of the evening went by quietly, with Roman going on about the latest productions in the theatre across town where he worked, Patton chiming in excitedly at certain points, and they all left by the time dusk had firmly settled in the sky. Roman had to dash off to catch a bus, and Patton headed off a few blocks away from the library, leaving just Virgil and Logan, walking hand in hand up to Logan’s apartment. 

“I hope Roman wasn’t too overbearing today,” Logan broke the comfortable silence as he unlocked his door.

“It’s fine, really. I don’t want to murder him anymore, we’re cool.” Logan let out a short bark of laughter at that, before turning back to Virgil, their hands still loosely entwined. 

“I think we should both go and get some sleep, we both have work tomorrow.”

“That better not be your way of getting me to stay over, I’m not being woken up at teacher hours.” Logan chuckled before shaking his head.

“I was suggesting that you go to sleep once you get back to your apartment, Virgil.”

“I know, I know. Guess I’ll see you Tuesday evening?” Logan nodded and watched as Virgil walked to the staircase, waiting for him to be out of sight before going into his apartment.

 

However, when Logan reflexively put his hand in his pocket, he felt paper. Upon pulling it out, he immediately recognised Virgil’s handwriting.

Logan,  
So it’s my birthday in like three weeks. Patton wants to do something but I honestly don’t mind. But there is one thing I want.  
Would you be my boyfriend as an early birthday gift?  
-V

 

Logan read through the note a few times, his face becoming more and more red as he did so, before sending a picture of it as well as his response to Virgil.

 

[2 messages from: Logan]  
{Photo message: tap to view}  
Yes.


	24. A Bad Morning

The sound of intense banging on his front door was what jolted Virgil from his sleep. It had been nearly a week since he and Logan had become official, but he knew that Logan always called before coming round. With a groan, Virgil sat up, checking his phone to see 9:07 am glaring back at him. He had had only three hours of sleep after getting home from a long shift at the library, a bunch of kids had decided to rearrange an absurd number of books and Virgil was still sour, so he huffed and pulled on his hoodie before shuffling to the door, opening it without a second thought.

 

The sight in front of him woke him up faster than an ice cold bucket of water. In front of his apartment stood his mother, a woman who held about her an air of disdain for the world around her, especially around the shabbier looking apartments on this side of the floor. She was wearing a long-sleeved, bright red dress and matching high heels, and her long black hair was tied up into a bun, a lot more grey hairs standing out than back when Virgil had last seen her. Her silver eyes looked Virgil up and down, obvious disgust swirling, and Virgil felt his blood begin to boil.

“Nerezza, I see that you’ve changed a bit.” Virgil internally cringed at hearing that godforsaken name he had only heard in nightmares, and he unconsciously balled his fists. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” His mother pushed past him, looking around his small apartment.

“To see you, of course. Although I do wish you kept your hair long, you could be really pretty with it.”

“I’m happy with it short.” Virgil kept his responses short, not trying to hide the anger radiating off of him.

“What’s with that sour attitude?” Virgil couldn’t help but huff, it sounding almost like a laugh.

“It’s been nearly two decades, how did you even find me?”

“You’re not happy to see me? I am your mother, Nerezza.” His mother looked genuinely surprised, but Virgil’s stomach was in knots from hearing that name more than he had since high school.

“That’s not my name anymore.”

“Right, your father gave you that awful name, /Virgil/, didn’t he?” The way she said Virgil, the pure condescending malice dripping from her words, riled Virgil up even more than her saying his deadname.

“Like you picked a better name for me? You literally chose it based on the fact that my hair is naturally dark!” Suddenly, Virgil’s mother slapped him, hard, causing his face to sting.

“You watch your language around me, young lady.”

“I’m not a lady!” Virgil could feel himself trembling with rage now. He hadn’t seen his mother in nineteen years, and here she was, suddenly trying to tell him how to live his life?

“When will you stop with this nonsense? You have a woman’s body, start acting like it.”

“But I am not-” Another slap came, harder than the last before Virgil was slammed into the nearest wall, hitting his head against it.

“You are a girl!” He was shoved to the floor, and his mother placed a high-heeled foot on his stomach. “You are my daughter! And if you even try to change that,” she kicked him in the face, and Virgil cried out in pain. “I will personally find you and cut it off of you. You are dead if you think you can live as a man, you are a woman!” Another kick, this time to the chest. “Call me when you come to your senses, Nerezza.” She dropped a small piece of card then stormed out, leaving Virgil crumpled on the floor, in pain and shocked. He barely managed to pull his phone out of his pocket.

 

[To: Logan]  
need to come over, injured and in pain


	25. Explosion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The One In Which The Author Begs For Forgiveness For Writing So Much Angst"

It took Virgil longer than it should’ve to pick himself up and pull on a pair of jeans, but once he did he slowly walked down two floors to Logan’s apartment, keeping his hood up just in case he ran into somebody on his way. Luckily, nobody seemed to be about at 9:30 in the morning, so Virgil made it to Logan’s door without any interference. He didn’t even have to knock, as Logan was pacing outside his apartment.

“Virgil!” Logan exclaimed as they locked eyes, before he gently held Virgil’s face in his hands, examining the damage. “Holy… We should get some ice on your cheek while I patch up the other wounds.” Logan opened his apartment door and almost ushered Virgil inside, gently removing his hood and getting him to sit on the couch. Virgil was still partly in shock, so he silently let Logan tend to his wounds.

Silence hung heavy in the air for a few minutes as Logan started wiping away the blood. Virgil shifted in his seat a bit, before speaking, his voice barely a whisper. “My mom did this…” Logan paused, eyes wide as he saw fear flash in Virgil’s eyes.

“What?”

“She threatened to kill me… and that…” Virgil gulped, a shiver running down his spine. “If I got bottom surgery, she’d… cut it off me…” His voice wobbled, and Logan took a few minutes before speaking, allowing Virgil to calm down a bit.

“Did you call the police, Virgil?” Logan’s voice was starting to shake himself now, but he took a deep breath to keep himself calm.

“No…” Virgil’s voice cracked loudly as he spoke. Logan sighed before slowly apply an ice pack to Virgil’s swollen cheek. Virgil hissed slightly, but let Logan hold the ice there.

“Do you want me to report this?” Virgil visibly tensed up, and shook his head, ignoring the pain.

“No, don’t report it.” Logan stood up and binned the bloody tissue before grabbing a clean cloth and wetting it.

“Virgil, she caused your cheek to swell, as well as giving you a nosebleed, and threatening to do so much worse, that’s aggravated assault. She can go to jail for ten years minimum if we report it.” Virgil stayed quiet as Logan gently dabbed at his nose with the cloth, making sure the bleeding had stopped.

Virgil looked over to the other side of the room when Logan moved away again, his voice finding its strength again. “No.”

“Why not? She could have killed you if she had a weapon, she obviously has the motivation!” Logan was trying to suppress his temper now. He was just so furious at Virgil’s mother, how could a mother possibly do anything this horrid?

“Just drop it for now…” Virgil sighed, biting his lip.

“No. Normally I would respect that there is a lot you don’t want to talk about but your life was threatened and I don’t see why you won’t go to the authorities!” Logan balled his hands into fists, feeling himself starting to tremble.

“Because I’m terrified!” Virgil had whipped his head around, eyes ablaze and full of tears, which caused Logan to freeze again. “I am so /fucking/ scared of them either not believing me, or that bitch lying, she’s always been a manipulative wench! Or even worse whoever I’ll go to will go ‘oh look a tranny let’s beat /it/ up’!” Virgil stood up, dropping the ice on the floor. “I am so terrified of the whole world because so many people want me dead, Logan! I’m always afraid and right now I don’t need someone telling me to do something that the thought of makes me panic!” And with that, Virgil stormed out, slamming the door as hard as he could behind him.


	26. Unlikely Comfort

Virgil’s breathing was heavy as he walked the streets, his anger melting away in the light snowfall that was starting. He had no idea where he was going, just that he knew he needed to walk. Both Patton and his dad would only worry even more than Logan, and right now Virgil needed somebody who wouldn’t ask questions or worry themselves sick.

 

Virgil knocked on the door three times and waited, his body feeling like it was vibrating with all of the anxious and angry energy inside him. After a minute, Virgil turned to walk away, but at that moment the door swung open.

“Virgil? I thought you lived halfway across town?” Roman asked, holding one hand as if he had just painted his nails. He was wearing a red pyjama top with a crown in the middle of it, with matching white pyjama pants littered in tiny crowns that were all the colours of the rainbow.

“I… I do. Can I come in?” Roman nodded and stepped aside so Virgil could walk in. He pulled his hood down and heard Roman’s breath catch in his throat for a second, but luckily, his next question wasn’t about his injuries.

“Do you want something to drink? I’ve got hot chocolate or coffee, you look like you need a hot drink.”

“Coffee sounds great about now. Milk and lots of sugar.”

“Sure thing.” Roman smiled as he closed the door. “You can go wait in the living room if you want, but make sure to check the couch before you sit down, Bella blends into the darn thing like a chameleon.” Virgil nodded, slightly confused, before making his way to the plush, chocolate brown couch, where two tiny, hazel eyes stared up at him, accompanied by a light thumping. Virgil couldn’t help but smile as he sat down, and the tiny brown lump staggered over to him on shaky legs, sniffing at him while its tiny tail was wagging a mile a minute. Virgil gently rubbed two of his fingers against the small, soft head as he looked around Roman’s living room.

 

It wasn’t too large, but Roman had still managed to fill every wall with movie and theatre posters alike. The shelves were littered with what Virgil could only assume to be Disney memorabilia, as well as a few books embossed with gold lettering which Virgil couldn’t read from where he was sat.

“So!” Roman called as he came through, placing a bright purple mug in front of Virgil before sitting on the other side of the couch. “Why am I being graced by your presence, Storm Cloud?” Virgil cringed slightly but stayed silent as he picked up his mug, relishing in the warmth it brought his hands. He hadn’t realised how cold he’d gotten.

“Logan and I got in an argument.” The air was still for a few minutes, the only noise being Bella’s whining at not receiving any attention. After a minute, Roman spoke again, his voice now soft and gentle.

“He didn’t…” He gestured slightly towards Virgil’s face. “He didn’t do that, right?”

“What? No, but it started the argument.” Virgil sighed, steeling himself to once again relive the morning. “My mother… she never accepted me, and before she left she’d always try to get me to stay her ‘little girl’. She came to my apartment earlier, and… she hit me. A lot.”

“Shit…” Roman whispered, obviously surprised.

“Ha, yeah, that’s what I thought. God… the look on her face when she saw me made me wanna be sick. Once she left, I texted Logan and went down to his apartment. But… he just didn’t understand why I don’t want to go to the police.”

“And why? Why… don’t you?” Virgil let out a huff of air before replying.

“I don’t even know, really. I’m afraid that she might spin it on me, she was always an amazing liar. And the police might just call me a hysteric tranny and not even do anything. But also, I don’t… I don’t want to give her that recognition if that makes sense.” He looked up at Roman for the first time since he started talking, and saw pure, genuine understanding in his eyes.

“I get that. In a way, she’ll see that you were affected by seeing her, and that gives her motive to try and do it again.”

“Yeah, you… actually, put it into words.” Just then, Virgil’s phone started angrily buzzing from its place on the coffee table, and Virgil saw Logan’s name flashing on the screen. Without hesitation, Roman grabbed the phone and answered the call, putting it on speaker so Virgil could hear.

“Hey, Lo!” Back was the upbeat, overconfident Roman, although Virgil could now tell that it was at least partly a front.

“Roman? Why do you have Virgil’s phone?” Logan sounded tired and confused, and Virgil bit his lip, feeling a pang of guilt for leaving the way he did.

“He left it when he went to the bathroom. We’re alright, just having coffee.” Roman winked at Virgil, and for the first time, Virgil had to admire Roman’s acting skills.

“Did he seem… upset to you at all?” Logan seemed almost hesitant to ask that question, but Roman didn’t seem to notice.

“Who, Virgil? Nope, just as dark and gloomy as normal. Oh, he’s coming back, talk to you later Lo!”

“Wait Roman let me spe-” Roman hung up before Logan could finish, putting Virgil’s phone back on the table.

“I figured that you would want space for a bit. First fights aren’t easy, especially not when it’s serious.” Roman picked Bella up and sat her on his lap. “But hey, you can crash here if you need to, just so you guys can cool off. I have to warn you though, it’s mandatory in this house to play Disney songs past noon.” Virgil couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, finally taking a sip of his coffee, glad that Roman had essentially made liquid sugar.

“Sure thing. Thanks, Roman.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need a Roman...
> 
>  
> 
> I have a discord for my writing now! I'll be posting every new update, asking readers for input and we can all just hang out! https://discord.gg/QYzKvcr


	27. Apologetic

It was late, and Roman and Virgil were both sat on Roman’s couch, the end credits of Tangled playing on the TV. As Roman got up to change the disc, Virgil decided to speak.

“What would you do if you were me?” Roman paused and turned to look at him, thinking for a moment.

“I obviously don’t know everything she did, but I’d go to the police. At least file a restraining order. You’d have to take her to criminal court, but she wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near you and face a fine or even jail if she broke it.”

“You know a lot about restraining orders, it’s almost scary.” Roman put in a new DVD and sat back down, picking Bella up to avoid sitting on her.

“I needed to, dad was really bad when I was younger. To all of us.” The air was still for a few minutes, and Virgil suddenly realised why Roman was so generous, at least to his family.

“Shit dude, I’m sorry.”

“Water under the bridge, Dr Gloom.” Roman chuckled and smiled at him, before grabbing his glass and taking a sip. The adverts before the movie played before Roman spoke again. “You know you’ll have to speak to Logan again at some point, no matter your intention.”

“I know. I just…” Virgil sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I yelled at him and slammed his door, how do I apologise for that?” Roman was silent for a moment before shooting up and turning the TV off.

“I have an idea. Grab your stuff and let’s go.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Logan came home from work, tired and sour from how much the kids in his classes had messed around all day, he didn’t expect to see Virgil leaning against the wall next to his apartment door. The redness of his injured cheek had gone down considerably, and he looked a lot calmer, even with his arms crossed as he stared at the other side of the hall. 

“Virgil?” Virgil looked up and stood up straight, his hands going straight to his hoodie pockets.

“Logan.” He sounded hesitant, but not angry at all, which slightly eased Logan’s worries. Logan unlocked his door, not taking his eyes off of Virgil.

“Do you want to come in?” Virgil shifted on the spot slightly before answering.

“No, I can do this here, I have work soon.” Virgil took a deep breath, his hands seeming to almost tear at the sleeves of his hoodie as obvious nerves kicked in. “I’m sorry. I blew up, and it wasn’t your fault but I tried to blame you in my anger.” Logan’s eyes widened as he took in Virgil’s apology, but Virgil looked away as he seemed to force out the next part. “I really am sorry. I can’t promise that I won’t get angry again, my temper can be really bad, but I’ll try my best to never direct it at you again if you’ll give me that chance?” Logan couldn’t help but feel his heart melt slightly, wondering how much further he could find himself falling helplessly into love before becoming overcome with emotion. Logan kept this thought to himself, however, as he took a moment to find his words and formulate a response.

“I accept your apology, of course, I do. I was also out of line and shouldn’t have pushed you.” Virgil looked back at him, eyes a bit glassy, a sight that, under any other circumstances, would’ve made Logan’s heart crack with sadness. However, he knew this look was one of - was it gratitude or relief? - that somewhat set his heart at ease.

“You were right though.” 

“I was still-”

“Lo.” Virgil held a hand up to silence him. “We’re both sorry and forgiven, let’s just leave it at that, okay?” Logan smiled softly and nodded.

“Alright then. Are you in any more pain?”

“Nah, Roman has some really strong painkillers.” Virgil paused to pull his phone out and looked at the screen, obviously checking for the time. “I should get going, I’ll need to think about what to say to Patton when he sees me.” However, as Virgil turned to go to the stairs, Logan grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug, gripping tightly onto his shoulders. “Logan, what the-”

“I’m not allowed to hug my boyfriend?” Virgil made an accusatory noise and pushed against Logan’s chest, and from what Logan could see his face was almost dangerously red.

“Alright you big nerd let me go I’ll be late!” Logan let go, and Virgil was indeed blushing as hard as humanly possible, which made Logan’s smile just that bit wider.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Virg.” 

“Y-yeah.” Virgil huffed and stalked away, hands shoved into his hoodie pockets once more.


	28. Rest and Relaxation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally back to posting on here, it's been a while! Hopefully this won't fall behind tumblr in uploads again!
> 
> Also, if you really like my writing, I have a discord server especially for all my writing, come and hang out if you want! https://discord.gg/QYzKvcr

Virgil had the whole day to himself. As he slowly coaxed himself out of bed, he realised that he would be alone all day. Logan was working all day and would have a lot of essays to mark when he got home, Patton was going on an excursion with the kids at a local nursery, even Roman was helping out at an all-day rehearsal at the theatre. Virgil was well and truly alone.

 

It had been just over a week since his fight with Logan, and he had filed for a restraining order against his mother. He knew that it would take a long time for it to process and brought to court, so that worry was out of his mind for now. 

 

As Virgil stood and made his first cup of coffee for the day, he contemplated the positives that had transpired recently. He had made up with Roman, made things official with Logan, even managed to come back from his first fight. All of it made Virgil feel weirdly good about his life at the moment. At least until he put the milk away in the fridge and really looked at the inside of his fridge, finding that apart from the milk, he had absolutely no food. 

“Shit…” Virgil ran a hand through his hair. “Now I have to go buy some groceries.”

 

After savouring his first coffee, Virgil got dressed and headed to the supermarket a few minutes away. The air was cold, and all the shops were covered in all sorts of Christmas decorations, ranging from small lights to giant inflatable snowmen. Everyone was in high spirits, and Virgil could sense that, even while his headphones were blasting Set It Off in his ears. It would be his birthday in just over a week, and Patton had been sending Virgil very suspicious smiles whenever he was nearby, so he knew that Patton was planning something. He couldn’t say what, but he hoped that Patton wouldn’t make it too big.

 

Virgil didn’t realise he had made it to the store until he felt warmth wash over him, and looked up to see a lot of people going around the shop, most likely working on their Christmas shopping. After taking a breath, Virgil grabbed a shopping basket and started weaving his way through people, swallowing down the bubble of anxiety. 

 

It wasn’t until Virgil was looking through the hair dye to find his regular shade of purple that his phone rang, and he quickly answered without looking at the caller id as he still had his headphones on.

“Hello?”

“Virg, buddy! How’s it going?” It was his dad. Virgil couldn’t help but smile slightly, he hadn’t talked to his dad in a couple of months and was honestly glad to hear from him again. 

“Hey dad, I’m doing fine, just shopping.” Virgil picked up his hair dye before moving onto the next aisle. “Work’s been going well.”

“That’s great, son. Nothing too stressful I hope?”

“Well, actually…” Virgil paused and bit his lip, his gaze now blankly landing on the herbs and spices. Should he tell him?

“Virg?” Virgil sighed through his nose. There was no point in hiding it, not now.

“Mom came to see me the other day.”

“Wait, really? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, well I’m better now. She roughed me up a bit but nothing I can’t handle, you know me.” Virgil tried to laugh it off, heading towards the freezer aisle, but his dad’s tone was deadly serious.

“But I also know your mother. Did she hurt you too badly?”

“My cheek still has a pretty bad bruise, but no permanent damage. Logan took care of me not too long after it happened.”

“Logan? Who’s Logan?”

“I didn’t tell you about him?” Virgil was honestly shocked into standing still, staring at the tubs of ice cream for a few seconds before grabbing a few tubs, thinking of what to say. “Well…” With another sigh, Virgil managed to find his words, heading now to the checkout. “Logan’s my boyfriend, dad.”

“You have a boyfriend now!? When were you going to tell me this!?” Virgil winced at the sudden loudness of his dad’s voice in his ears, getting in line behind a young couple with a baby carrier sitting on their trolley.

“I thought I already had, we’ve only been officially together for a couple of weeks.”

“Right, okay you’re coming over this Sunday and you’re bringing this Logan! I need to meet him!” Virgil let out an awkward laugh at his dad’s insistence as he unloaded his basket and put it under the belt on the top of the pile of baskets.

“Jeez, dad, you act like I’m marrying him!”

“Hey, you’re the one who’s always said you couldn’t find anyone worth dating, bud. If you’re dating him, he must be special.” Virgil went silent for a few minutes, feeling a blush creep along his cheeks.

“Yeah, he is…”

“Alright, come over at lunchtime on Sunday, I’ll make your favourite! And do you want me to do something for your birthday?”

“No, dad, I’m fine. I think one of my work friends is working on something for me.” He gave a small smile to the cashier as they started to scan his items.

“Alright then, bud. I’ll see you Sunday, love you son.”

“Love you too, dad.” He waited until his dad hung up before bagging up his items, handing over his money and heading out of the store as quick as possible, feeling his anxiety rise up without his music playing to block out the hustle and bustle of the people around him. However, his mind was also racing with the thought of Sunday, and how his dad would react to Logan. Once he had put his music back on, he quickly texted Logan, hoping he wasn’t catching him in the middle of a lesson, before he made his way home to make some lunch, his stomach beginning to yell at him to eat something.


	29. Meeting the Parent

“Virgil, are you sure that I look okay?” Logan and Virgil were walking just outside of the city, along a dirt road towards Virgil’s dad’s house, and Logan had asked this question about five times now. To say he was nervous would be an understatement, as he tried to fix his tie for the eleventh time, he wasn’t counting or anything.

“You look fine Lo, honestly, dad won’t judge you based on your clothes, he raised an emo nightmare.” Virgil let out a huff of air through his nose as the pair arrived at a three storey house with a sizeable front garden filled with all sorts of plants.

“I’m sure you weren’t that bad.”

“Trust me, I didn’t wear anything other than black for six years.” Virgil walked up to one of the potted plants halfway across the garden from the path and lifted it up, revealing a small key underneath before picking it up. Upon seeing Logan’s confused face, Virgil explained. “Dad always keeps the spare key here for if I need to come round.” After a few more seconds, Virgil had unlocked the door and pocketed the key, allowing the sounds of kitchenware moving about to fill Logan’s ears. “We’re here dad!”

“I’ll be there in a minute, bud!” Upon hearing the voice of Virgil’s dad, Logan was suddenly extremely nervous once more. At least until he came out of the kitchen. Virgil’s dad was almost an exact mirror of Virgil, although instead of purple hair and silver eyes, his hair was a soft, light brown, and his eyes were almost the colour of liquid amber. “So, you must be Logan! It’s great to meet you!” Virgil’s dad held out a hand, which Logan grabbed and shook, hoping his nerves would go unnoticed.

“The same to you, Mr Sanders.”

“Please, just call me Thomas.” Thomas chuckled, before motioning down the hallway. “Come in and take a seat, both of you, I’ll have some drinks ready in a minute. What would you like to drink, Logan?”

“Water is fine.” 

“Alrighty then!” Thomas clapped his hands together before heading back to the kitchen, and Logan followed Virgil into the living room, where Virgil was turning every photo frame he could reach so that none of the photos were visible.

“What are you doing?” Logan couldn’t help but turn one of the photo frames back around, and he saw a younger Thomas and a small child with shoulder length, pitch black hair smiling widely while holding what looked like a certificate of some sorts.

“He has all these photos of me as a kid all over the house, it’s embarrassing.” Logan noticed that Virgil’s cheeks were pinker than normal, and he couldn’t help but smile.

“I must admit you were an adorable child.”

“Don’t you start!” Virgil pulled his hood up to hide his blush, and Logan took a moment to look around the living room, mainly at the photo frames hanging on the walls.

“Virgil I thought I told you to stop messing with those photos!” Thomas’ voice brought Logan out of his thoughts, but Virgil just groaned and went to the doorway of the living room to yell back.

“Why do you still have them up? They’re decades old at this point!”

“Am I no longer allowed to be embarrassingly proud of my son’s achievements?”

“No, you’re not!” Virgil left, presumably to go to the kitchen, and Logan’s assumptions were confirmed when he heard Virgil’s voice again, although much more hushed. “At least not in front of Logan, it’s almost cringe-worthy dad.” 

“Relax, Virg, I won’t tell him any super embarrassing stories just yet, there’s still plenty of time.”

“Dad!” Virgil whined, louder again, and Logan couldn’t help but smile to himself. Virgil seemed to have a healthy relationship with his father, something Logan was incredibly happy to see after what kicked off with Virgil’s mother. 

 

The rest of the afternoon went smoothly, with Logan discovering that Thomas was an incredibly kind and laid back person, and amazingly easy to talk to, as well as a wonderful cook. The time passed by so fast that Logan and Virgil didn’t end up leaving until darkness had comfortably settled over the whole town, as well as a mid-December chill that had Virgil shivering as the pair of them walked back to their apartment complex, hand in hand and content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, if you're enjoying my writing, you might like my discord server specifically for everything I write! https://discord.gg/QYzKvcr Come hang out and chat and stuff!


	30. 19.12

Virgil awoke to silence, which was uncommon but not out of the ordinary for him, as he had several soothing music radios that he cycled through for sleeping and they would occasionally stop during the middle of the night. After a minute of revelling in the warmth of his bed, equipped with a new, thicker sheet and softer pillows, he forced himself to sit up and properly wake up, blinking for a moment at the bright sunlight filtering in through the window. 

 

It was at this moment that Virgil’s phone began to ring, and with a groan, he picked his phone up and answered the call, not checking who was calling before doing so. 

“Happy birthday, bud!” It was Virgil’s dad, and Virgil couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed at being called this early in the morning.

“Thanks, dad,” Virgil replied as he slowly climbed out of bed to make some coffee, feeling the chill of his apartment as he walked to his kitchen.

“Your present should be arriving today, I found something online I knew you’d like so I had it sent straight to your apartment.” Virgil nearly groaned as he clicked the button on his coffee maker, which was an early Christmas present from Patton.

“Dad, you know you didn’t have to do that…” Virgil’s dad simply chuckled.

“I know, but I want to spoil my son once in a while, even if you’re an adult now.” 

“Thanks.”

“You know I’ll do anything for you, son. Now, you enjoy the rest of your birthday, okay?”

“I will dad. I love you.”

“Love you too, Virg.” Virgil then hung up the phone and, coffee mug in hand, settled down on his couch to scroll through the various notifications on his phone. He had a few arbitrary happy birthday messages from old friends on Facebook, and some new tweets from the multiple band Twitters he followed, but nothing too special. He hadn’t even received a text from Logan or Patton, which he thought to be slightly odd, as with it being nearly 11:30 am both of them would no doubt be awake. Virgil decided to send a simple ‘you busy?’ text to Logan anyway, not really upset at the thought of his birthday being forgotten, and downed the rest of his coffee to get ready in case Logan was okay with him coming round. It was almost strange, how much Virgil liked just hanging around Logan’s apartment.

 

Virgil was brushing his teeth when his phone buzzed again, this time with a reply text from Logan. [I’m grading a few papers, but you are more than welcome to come over.] Virgil smiled to himself and replied to say he’d be there in around ten minutes, before finishing up his morning routine with this new skin cream his dad had sent over - just because he was a guy didn’t mean he couldn’t look after his skin, after all - and then, Virgil was out the door and at Logan’s apartment within five minutes. He was early, oh well. Luckily, he was used to just walking into Logan’s apartment at this point, so he opened the door and walked straight in.

“Happy birthday!!!” was the shout that caused Virgil to jump back several feet, back hitting the door he had just closed. Standing in front of him was a grinning Patton holding a large, purple cake, an equally smiling Roman who was holding a stack of presents, and after a second, Logan came into view, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Patton I thought I told you to wait so we don’t scare him?” Logan chastised, giving Virgil a sympathetic glance.

“Sorry, I’m just so excited!” Patton’s grin turned slightly sheepish before he put down the cake and looked at Virgil again. “We didn’t mean to scare you, kiddo, we just wanted to give you an awesome birthday party!” Virgil took a deep breath, recovering from the shock before he spoke. 

“You guys actually set something up for me? I thought you’d forgotten.” Virgil admitted, to which Patton let out an almost horrified gasp. 

“We would never forget your birthday, Virg! We just didn’t want you to figure out the surprise because we wanted it to be special!” Patton then pulled Virgil into a hug, while Roman spoke.

“We knew you’d be sceptical if we told you to go to some random location, so Specs here thought it would be less conspicuous if you came to us of your own free will, so we’re celebrating here instead of a bigger place!” Virgil caught a glimpse of Logan’s face turning red from the corner of his eye before Patton pulled him into the living room and sat him down on the couch.

“Okay, present time! You’ve gotta open mine first!” Patton grabbed the first present off of the pile Roman was holding and nearly thrust it into Virgil’s arms, bouncing on his feet as if he was the one receiving a gift. Virgil carefully opened the black and silver wrapping paper that was surprisingly not Christmas themed, to reveal a black lump of fabric, which, when Virgil pulled it fully out of the wrapping, was, in fact, a pullover hoodie. And, on further inspection, the hood had a pair of stuffed cat ears sewn on.

“Do you like it? Now we can really be hoodie buddies! And you’re totally welcome to put patches on it like your other one!” Patton seemed to almost be bursting at the seams from excitement and anticipation for what Virgil’s reaction would be, and Virgil smiled, both from the present itself and by how happy Patton was, before slipping off his hoodie and pulling the new one over his head. It was large, large enough to sink into, and incredibly soft. The sleeves were even a very comfortable length to have sweater paws, so Virgil’s smile grew without him even realising it.

“I love it, Pat, thanks.” Patton squealed in delight before hugging Virgil again, even tighter than before, before pulling away and going to the kitchen, presumably to grab the cake.

“Me next!” Roman exclaimed, dropping himself next to Virgil and handing him a smaller, neatly wrapped present in the same wrapping paper. Virgil took it and, again carefully, unwrapped it, uncovering a shiny, silver-covered notebook. “I noticed that you tend to doodle when you’re stressed, so I thought you could do with something to keep them all in one place. I know it’s not much, but-”

“It’s great,” Virgil cut Roman off, flicking through the pages to find a mix of lined and blank paper throughout the book. “Thanks, Princey.” Roman smiled and patted Virgil’s shoulder. 

“No problem, Storm Cloud. And now it’s Logan’s turn!” Roman picked up the last two presents, both of them small, and gave them to Virgil, while Logan spoke.

“I knew you wouldn’t care for anything ridiculously expensive, so I,” Logan cleared his throat, and his face was turning a light shade of pink again. “I went for something more personal.” Virgil opened the smaller present first, revealing a long silver chain at the end of which was a very familiar looking design.

“This looks just like my lucky pin,” Virgil breathed out, examining the thundercloud design and noticing that it was even engraved with his name, exactly like his pin, which his dad had gotten him back when they had started their life away from Virgil’s mother, and Virgil started living as a boy. It was one of Virgil’s fondest memories from that long ago, and it caused his eyes to water ever so slightly before he blinked it away and moved onto the next present. It had a fair amount of weight to it and was a similar shape as the notebook, only slightly larger, and when he opened it he felt his face burn a bright red.

“What is it?” Patton spoke, moving from where he was setting up the candles on the cake when he noticed how red Virgil’s face had gotten. Virgil, however, quickly manoeuvred the gift so neither Patton nor Roman, who was still sat at his side, could see what it was. Not that it was anything particularly bad or embarrassing; the present was a solid, oak wood photo frame with the selfie Virgil and Logan had taken together on one of their earlier dates together, and if Virgil didn’t have a surge of emotion hit him when he saw the photo, then he was soulless and also lying. 

“Just a picture, Pat,” Virgil finally spoke, hoping his slightly shaking voice and glassy eyes didn’t give away just how much the presents meant to him. “Now, you’re not going to sing happy birthday before I blow out those candles, are you?”

 

They did, in fact, sing for him, led mainly by Roman, whose voice carried the loudest out of the three, before digging into the cake Patton had made, which was a multilayer consisting of coffee and chocolate sponge and some of the best almond icing Virgil had ever tasted, before spending the rest of day just talking among themselves. At one point, Flora came over and sat squarely in Virgil’s lap, refusing to move until Roman and Patton had left to avoid travelling in the dark, and she finally got up when Logan got out the cat food. After a few more hours of a lot more mellow conversation, Virgil went to sleep, using Logan’s spare room as he couldn’t bring himself to trudge back up to his apartment.

 

It was after Virgil went to sleep that Logan began cleaning up his apartment, storing the leftover cake in a few airtight containers to stop it from going stale and to keep it safe from Flora. Then, while collecting the wrapping paper, Logan noticed Virgil’s patchwork hoodie was still on the couch, he had gone to sleep still wearing the one Patton had gifted him. Curious, Logan picked up the garment, and sure enough, there was a pair of pins attached to the jacket, the storm cloud and the black cat. Carefully, Logan removed the cat pin, making a note of where it was positioned before turning it over. Neither Roman nor Virgil had ever revealed what was so special about the other side, and Logan figured there would be no harm in taking a look, so long as he didn’t break it. Logan paused, looking at the silvery back of the pin, and then his cheeks were warm once again. Staring back at him was an engraving of his own name in an elegant font.


	31. Fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays! :D

Christmas was rather uneventful compared to Virgil’s birthday. A couple days before, Virgil had given Logan a detailed encyclopaedia on constellations, and Logan had given Virgil a purple globe that lit up and covered the walls in stars, and then they went to the opposite ends of the city for Christmas day, Virgil going to his dad’s and Logan going to see his extended family, of whom he didn’t seem to want to talk about too much, so Virgil didn’t ask. Virgil did receive an unexpected phone call that interrupted the movie he and his dad ended up watching, but he wasn’t complaining when he realised what the call was about. In fact, it made the day one of Virgil’s best Christmasses ever.

 

New Years, however, was big. Virgil had planned everything down to the tiny details, so when he and Logan were sat in the park on a blanket, waiting for the fireworks, he set his plan into motion, hoping that his pounding heart wouldn’t give him away.

“Crazy how being a pair of space nerds is what brought us together…” Virgil began, hoping his nerves wouldn’t show. Logan simply hummed in agreement, his hand seeming to subconsciously grab hold of Virgil’s.

“It is almost amusing. We did both get each other space-themed Christmas gifts as well.” 

“Yeah…” Virgil nodded, gently resting his head against Logan’s shoulder as he thought of what to say next. “Y’know… I do really like you…” Logan let out a soft chuckle at that.

“I would hope so, it’s been a few months now.” Virgil pulled away and lightly hit Logan’s arm while making offended noises, which made Logan laugh again.

“I’m being serious, nerd.” When Logan ceased his quiet laughter, he turned his head to look at Virgil, a smile still present on his face.

“Well, I really like you too, even if I know that sometimes I may not show it.” Virgil both saw the slight blush on Logan’s face and felt his own cheeks beginning to burn, and all he could do was look away and gently squeeze Logan’s hand.

“You’re fine, honestly. The birthday presents show it enough.”

“I’m glad you liked them.” They fell into a comfortable silence for around ten minutes, before Virgil summoned the courage to speak again, this time the topic being heavier.

“You did get my text, right?” The air was still for longer than Virgil would’ve liked, and when Logan next spoke, the weight on Virgil’s shoulders and stomach were immediately lifted.

“I did, and I wish you the best of luck. Although, I will miss you. Six weeks, right?” Virgil turned to look at Logan again and immediately met those brilliant blue eyes. Virgil saw concern and pride swirling in Logan’s gaze, and somehow, that look gave him all the courage he needed.

“Yeah. There’s, uh, something I wanna do, before I go. If it’s alright with you.” Logan nodded, that soft smile still on his face.

“Anything, Virg.” Just then, the bells from the nearby church started ringing, and as the fireworks shot into the sky, Virgil surged forward and gently pressed his lips to Logan, who responded a few seconds later, most likely hesitating due to the shock. It was slightly awkward but sweet, and perfect for both of them; gentle, nervous, nothing more and nothing less.

 

And the next day, Virgil went into the hospital to get top surgery.


	32. Reunion

Logan sighed to himself, as he scrolled through messages on his phone and very slowly picked at a sandwich. It was his lunch break, although it would soon be over, and all around him were the sounds of chattering teenagers.

 

It had been four weeks. Four weeks since Virgil had sent the obviously hurried text confirming that he was okay, that his surgery two weeks prior had gone well, but he didn’t know when he would be able to leave the hospital. Logan knew this, yet he couldn’t stop himself from feeling slightly sad at Virgil’s absence from his life. He was aware that Virgil would probably be out soon, but it was the prospect of not knowing when that would be that had Logan feeling so lonely.

 

One of the lights on the phone on his desk flashed orange, so he pressed the button to answer the incoming call, allowing it to go to speakerphone.

“Mr Picani?” the receptionist that Logan still hadn’t learned the name of asked, her voice sounding somewhat unsure. “There’s someone here who says he has to see you right now.” Logan glanced at the clock before sighing, pinching his nose.

“Tell him that I will see him in my next free period in around an hour.”

 

“B-but sir, he says that this is really important.” There was a pause. “He said to give you his name, uh, Sanders?” Logan froze.

“Are you certain?”

“Yes, sir, do you still want him to wait?” Logan immediately hung up the phone, grabbing his own mobile before walking as fast as he could without running. For once, his brain couldn’t process what was happening, he just knew that he had to reach the reception. He had to.

 

It took a couple of minutes before Logan was at the pair of glass doors leading into the reception, and Logan saw him. Virgil was there, his hair looking considerably longer with dark brown roots showing in his now faded purple hair. He was carrying a large bag, which probably had all of the personal items he had taken into hospital with him, and he was still wearing the hoodie Patton had gifted him, as well as the pendant Logan himself had given him, despite the weather now heating up. Logan was frozen, he was stuck, just looking at Virgil, who was looking around in the reception, fiddling with his fingers, until he was looking into silver eyes that were wide in surprise. 

 

With shaky legs, Logan walked into the reception, his eyes never breaking contact with Virgil’s, and they just stood, looking at each other. Time seemed to freeze until Virgil dropped his bag and moved to hug Logan, and Logan instinctively wrapped his arms around Virgil’s shoulders, pulling him closer. It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders and stomach, as they just stood in each other’s embrace.

“Hi,” Virgil mumbled against Logan, sounding as if he was about to cry, and Logan wouldn’t blame him as he himself was also feeling teary-eyed. He had never felt so strongly about another person before. “I know you’re working but I couldn’t wait-”

“It’s okay,” Logan cut Virgil off, before pulling away enough to properly look at Virgil’s face. He was, in fact, crying, but he also had one of the largest smiles Logan had ever seen on his face. “I missed you too, more than I could explain.” Virgil let out a small laugh, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his hoodie.

“That’s really gay, you big nerd.” Logan couldn’t help but also let out a laugh, keeping his hands resting gently on Virgil’s shoulders.

“As two men in a relationship, we are gay, Virg.” The pair smiled at each other at that, but before Virgil could say anything else, the bell rang throughout the entire building, and Logan sighed. “I have to teach a class now, I’m so sor-”

“It’s fine Lo, I can wait. If you’re not already sick of seeing me.” Virgil joked, and Logan merely shook his head as he laughed slightly. 

“I have a free period after this next class, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” In a swift movement, Logan gently kissed Virgil on the lips in goodbye before heading back through the glass doors, leaving a very starstruck Virgil frozen in the middle of the reception area. 

 

When Logan did come back, they went off to grab coffee together, hand in hand, and Virgil talked about how his surgery had gone, and the whole while Logan couldn’t help but notice how different Virgil looked, and not in that area. As they sat and talked, Virgil’s posture was a lot straighter, and he wasn’t keeping his hands against his chest the whole time. His smile was also a lot wider than it had been before, and if Logan said that the sight didn’t at least slightly melt his heart, he would’ve been lying. Virgil was here, and happy, and that was all Logan needed.


End file.
